Post by Mandii Rider on Sept 6, 2023 0:14:54 GMT -5
Every girl dreams of the day a knight in shining armor sweeps her off her feet and takes her to her happily ever after. Most girls want that dream of being married to the man of their dreams and being so madly deeply in love that nothing else in the world seems to matter. They call it a ride or die type of love when no matter what you stay with the person you love willing to live for them and willing to die for them. Most girls carry around baby dolls while growing up waiting for the day they have a real baby in their arms with the man they love being the one that child calls daddy. The all American dream is what they called it and Mandii wasn't immune to the lure of it.
Although growing up she hadn't known what love looked like she thought she knew what it was. She loved her brother after all and would do just about anything for him. Of course, he loved in a different way which would often lead to the two fighting and distance. Still Mandii thought she knew what love was but in reality she was in love with the idea of love.
Marcus Haven was a skilled wrestler who carried gold in the same company she wrestled in. Truth be told she hadn't given a lot of thought to a boyfriend or finding love in this type of business. As a matter of fact it was this business that made her realize a boyfriend might not suit her at all. However, one night at a bar that changed when Marcus approached her and the two started to talk. He said he was impressed with her, she said thank you and the two ended up in bed with each other. He didn't know she was weeks away from turning eighteen and she wasn't going to tell him. Funny how their love started on a bed of lies. It was funny how naive she really was at that time.
They ended up dating and became that power couple, the one holding championships and making others jealous with the appearance of a perfect relationship. However, most of the bad was overlooked and the good was broadcasted for the good of the companies they were in. It started out small when he would lose a match he would yell and occasionally throw something. It escalated to Mandii hiding bruises and cuts from fights they would have offscreen. Finally, the two stopped trying to hide the toxic relationship they had and the only difference on screen and off was the hate sex that would occur.
"Why didn’t you leave?"
"I guess I was scared to be alone. Jason was always gone it seemed
like and Jeremy was too busy keeping an eye on Kera
to worry about me. Marcus was always there regardless of the capacity."
like and Jeremy was too busy keeping an eye on Kera
to worry about me. Marcus was always there regardless of the capacity."
"So you started to need him."
"Weak...
Desperate...
Lonely..."
"I was too comfortable in the chaos. That was my normal."
Oftentimes Mandii would lie to herself. Marcus was always trying to push for both of them to be better in the ring and that's why their fights became physical. If you wanted air time you needed to be good on the mic so his insults were a way to prepare her. She talked herself into staying over and over again until it was too late and more damage had been done. When the time came that she finally realized she needed to leave when two pink lines showed up and changed everything.
"So you stayed for your daughter?"
"And because a part of me did love him but not the way
I should have. I needed him and after finding out about Sage and that need only grew."
I should have. I needed him and after finding out about Sage and that need only grew."
"Shame
Pain
You should've left"
Being forced to step away from the ring helped their relationship for a short period of time. They were no longer competing against each other and trying to be better than the other. Marcus was able to shine while Mandii stayed on the sideline attempting to be his cheerleader. In all actuality she hated it. She hated being pulled away from the ring and watching Marcus continue his career, thriving even without her. Oftentimes he would rub the fact in her face which would only upset her more and the two would get violent. Marcus didn't care about the baby she was carrying so many times he wouldn't hold back while the two fought. When their fights consisted of only words he'd question her if the baby was even his.
"And what about you? Did you care about the baby?"
"I wanted the thing I couldn't have, the
thing I never had. I wanted a family and I forced
that more times than I should have."
"Your desire to feel needed, wanted, is what holds you back."
Mandii began to try to make things better. The fights started to slow down as the time came for the baby to be born. Mandii did everything she could to make Marcus happy in hopes to keep her family together. The fear she had before, the fear of him possibly taking things so far that she could end up dead slowly started to fade as she fell in line and did what she was told. Two months before she delivered their baby Marcus asked her to marry him.
Shortly after Sage was born the two were married in a wrestling ring. It was only suiting that the ring would be the place they said their vows because their entire relationship was like a match. The two traded blows both physically and verbally leading to Mandii being the one to lose most of the time. Shockly, the wedding went off without any interruptions and the two were husband and wife. However, it was fair from the fairytale ending Mandii had hoped and dreamed of.
"It started with you not taking his last name?"
"I worked hard for my reputation at that point regardless of the fact I was
also seen as Marcus Haven's girlfriend. I busted my ass with my name and
I didn't want to take his so he could also take my reputation and honestly I
didn't want his either. He said I was his now, I had to take his last name."
"Did you?"
"Outside of the ring, yes. It was an attempt to keep
the professional life we had separated from the personal
life that I began to hate."
The fighting only got worse as Mandii made her way back into the right and the limelight. The two began fighting often once again and oftentimes the fights would end with Mandii begging him to stop. They finally did stop when Mandii saw Sage standing in the doorway at three years old and she layed on the ground blood gushing from her nose. Mandii took Sage and the two left that night but she couldn't hide from someone she worked with. Marcus begged her to come back and for the two of them to work on things. At first she believed the lie that he told her too often but once she realized things would never change she took Sage and the two ran away.
"I never said Marcus was the only person who was wrong.
I never claimed to be a saint or the victim. I fought back
and at times started the fight."
"Why do you think that is?"
"To feel something, anything. I was in and out of my addiction,
one that he had a hand in, and I needed to feel something. I finally
realized when I saw the look in Sage's eyes that night that I had to stop
because it wasn't about me anymore. It was about her."
The divorce papers had been served and a Pay-Per-View match had been set. The line between professional and personal was gone and Mandii faced Marcus in a hangman's match that would permanently scare her forever. As Marcus wrapped the noose around her neck and lifted her in the air she knew it was over. Not only had she lost that match she also lost any hope of that family she once craved. She dangled over the ring for what felt like forever gasping for air while refs tried to pry the rope from Marcus's hands. Truth be told, had she been the one holding the rope she would have also fought to keep him in the air. Now she was permanently damaged goods, something Marcus had always told her she was.
"Do you think you've recovered from this?"
"No"
"Weak"
"That's all our time for today."
Johnny, why does that name sound so familiar? Oh, I know, because you were the bottom of the barrel barely facing nobodies and rookies the whole time in RLF. From what I hear, you got your circus act together and finally stepped up to be something more than just a, well, clown. Look at you being more than just a Jenny Myst fan girl. That's right Johnny boy I distinctly remember you wanting to be the main jester in the queens court. You followed Jenny around like a love sick puppy as though she was the queen of your heart, how sweet. I bet that's why you ended up here in OCW, tell me, do you actually plan on following through on your threats of taking her or are you going to chicken out again?
You know, I think you need some therapy to really move past these mommy and sister issues you seem to have going on. See, I went back to the good old days in RLF and dug up some old information on you like the fact your sister died when you were younger. Tragic. The funny thing is your sister kinda looked a little like Jenny. I know no one knows where you're from but if I had to guess I'd say you should change your theme music to "Sweet Home Alabama," and don't worry you're going home to the good lord when I'm done with you. Hey, maybe you'll get to see your sister again, you know, Jenny, your sister? A little creepy that they even share the same name wouldn't you think?
Your family issues aside, let's talk about this match. You seem to have a problem following rules so let me break our match down for you, in order to win you have to pin me, make me submit, then knock me out in that order. Are you following? If not that's ok, you can play follow the leader with me while I pin you, make you submit, and knock you out. I have no problem following rules and the best part about these rules is that I get to make a Joker wanna be look like just a Joke.
I'll admit, when I saw your name next to mine so high on this week's card I thought it was a joke. The biggest impact you made in RLF was peeping in Jenny's window so imagine my surprise to find out you've actually been working on your ability in the ring. Good for you but let me give you a little advice, don't come in on a high horse because I'll knock you right off it. Hm, I wonder if you can follow through on this match or, if like your plan to take Jenny, you’ll be all talk.
It's funny, really, you've been in and out of federations but what do you have to show for it? A conviction list a mile long? Tell me Johnny, could you just not find another Jenny elsewhere and instead of sticking it out and being a wrestler you decided to leave every federation that didn't have a perfect match to your sister? You really are chasing the gold, just not the right kind. Why don't we just skip to the end of your little run here, shall we? You're not getting your hands on Jenny so you can pack your garbage bag and head back to the circus.
It's sad really, your only purpose here, your only drive, is a girl. Let me guess, you're going to try to impress Jenny with your new found wrestling ability and if she turns you down you're just going to stalk her until you can get your hands on her and do what exactly? Run? Oh I'm sure you'll be good at running because that's what it seems like you do when things get rough in a company. You've been "let go" because of "creative differences", I think the words you're looking for are “ran away” because you can't take the heat. Maybe if you get Jenny you'll whisk her off to your mothers basement and woo her with your Norman Bates persona. Yeah, that'll really get the stockholm syndrome going.
Sorry to burst your balloon but I'm the ringmaster in this circus and you're just the clown. While you're constantly off laughing at your own jokes I'm the one making you a joke. Here's the thing, I've moved past my rocky history meaning I can focus on my career without something clouding my judgment, you can't say the same. While I'm working to be better in the ring you're working on a plan to save someone who's dead. You're stuck in the past being a scared little boy who couldn't do the one thing he should have as a big brother and save his sister. You're here as a nice way of self mutilation without the self harm scars. Take away the scary clown get up you have going on and what are you really? Nothing but a predator that belongs in a jail cell not a wrestling ring. Your problem is you put the blame on every single person and situation instead of looking at the real problem, yourself.
You're hiding Johnny, you're hiding behind face paint and fake blood because if you take it away all that's left is a shell of a person. You’re scared to be anything other than something scary because the truth is you fear the fact that you’re weak. I speak from experience when I say you wrestle to fill the void of not feeling anything really. I used to use wrestling as a way to cope with the shitty reality around me and while it worked for a while my problems were still waiting for me at the hotel room door. You put that paint on your face and become this scary image of something we should fear but I don't fear you, I pity you. I pity the fact that you were probably at the end of your rope until finding your sister look alike. I pity the fact that you're a grown ass man who never dealt with his trauma like a big boy and now goes around trying to find his dead sister in women who clearly aren't her. You had no power or control as a child so now you have to pretend to have both.
I won't stand in front of you and say that I never used wrestling to deal with or forget my problems, but there comes a day when wrestling isn't enough. What I will stand here and say is that I have a clear head now when I enter the ring so if you want to get in my head and make me fear you, save it. I've come face to face with a lot of characters like you Johnny but that's all they are, characters. You want to try to play the bad guy, the guy everyone should be scared of because all he wants to do is hurt people, but what you're really doing is proving all you have is anger with absolutely no drive. Like I said before, you're a shell of a human who can't move on from the past.
It's actually sad because you have so much going for you, so much promise and you waste it away. Like I said before you used to be a nobody, an easy win for anyone with half a brain. When you walked into this business no one thought much of you other than a bunch of talk. Now you seem to have at least a little something to back up your bark but instead of being productive, instead of doing what you should do, you're going to let opportunities pass you by. No one remembers the clown Johnny, they remember champions, they remember wrestlers. The only thing you are is a felon, your legacy is kidnapping attempts, you can't even get the job done. I guess that's one of the biggest differences between you and I, when I say I'm going to do something I do it.
As Mandii walked away from view, she began whistling to the tune of "Send in the Clowns" by Frank Sinatra.
Don't you love the farce
My fault, I fear
I thought that you'd want what I want
Sorry my dear
But where are the clowns
Send in the clowns
Don't bother they're here
Isn't it rich
Isn't it clear
Losing my timing this late
In my career
Where are the clowns
There ought to be clowns
Well, maybe next year