Post by ✮𝖁𝖊𝖓𝖔𝖒✮ on Sept 27, 2023 4:45:01 GMT -5
Dying is easy, I've done it a few times already. Living, now that's a bitch. I'm not talking about just being alive, I'm talking about living life and actually experiencing every aspect of it. I've always been afraid to live because most of the time the only way we know we're alive is pain. I've always numbed myself enough to not feel the pain both emotional and physical. I know, I know...I sound like your resident suicidal emo girl but it's true, I'm scared to live...To do something with my life...To be something. As long as I act like the failure everyone expects me to be I can't let myself down.
I know most people look down on me, I'm used to that by now. Even though I'm a champion in this company, people don't take it for much. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if Management was just coming up with ideas to boot me out of the top spot on Rise because I made it into the cheap championship. I decided coming into this business that I wouldn't be the nice girl or the mutual one who some people like and others don't, I was going to be the person everyone hated...I was going to give people a reason to hate me. Mission accomplished.
However, I never thought that this business would begin to change me the way it has. I actually enjoyed wrestling and being in the ring. I loved the rush it gave me when I jumped off the ropes or went for a pin. I actually cared when Trent Killjoy won against me which was weird because I also told myself coming into this business that that's all it was...Business. A paycheck. Just something to keep me off the streets. I needed cash and a place to stay both of which Outcast Championship Wrestling offered me. Little did I know I actually would end up wanting more than just the basics. I wanted glory. There was just one little problem.
I'm an addict.
My clear and conscious mind started to fade away as the drugs set in. Little white pills laid on the counter in front of me and the pain in my body began to drift away. I walked from the bathroom into the main part of my hotel room. The walls started to move while I was standing still causing me to fall to the ground. One of my biggest problems is I liked to mix my poisons which didn't always end in a nice buzz or sweet high. I began to giggle before looking up and seeing the Elevate Championship hanging on the back of the hotel desk chair in my room. I should feel proud that I have it and even defended it successfully but I wasn't. Now that stupid championship was a reminder of how crap of a person I was and how changing was going to be too much work.
I let out a laugh before falling back on the ground and looking up at nothing. I found it funny that I was the joke because of how I got my championship. I found it funny because now everyone was going to expect me to lose it just as easily as I won it. Little did I know I actually might have set myself up for winning. Expectations can easily set someone up for failure. That's why I never gave myself any.
I sat back up and leaned forward resting my forehead on the hard carpet of the hotel room and let out another laugh that slowly turned into a cry. My entire body felt like it was on fire and laval was flowing through my veins. I could hear my mothers voice in my head telling me how much of a mistake I was. It was the pity hour and I was rolling in all of my bullcrap. All of that sound advice I was giving myself was fading behind what I actually thought of myself most of the time. Great, I really need to stop doing this to myself.
Before I knew it the sun was up and I was still laying on the floor. If it wasn't for the sun beaming off my championship I probably would have still been in a drug induced sleep. I wiped my mouth and peeled my body off the floor before walking over to the championship. I gripped in firmly in my hand and let out a sigh before looking out of the window at a clear sky in New Jersey.
"Fucking hell." I grabbed the back of my head with my opposite hand and raised the championship in front of my face. I couldn't help but smirk at it because a part of me knew how many people I was pissing off just by having it. It was clear that I wasn't a good guy or righteous little girl, it was easy to get people to hate me. That's when it clicked, exactly what I wanted.
I wanted to be a Champion.
I layed the championship back on the chair and went to get dressed for the gym. Somehow I managed to make it this far with little training and little idea of what I was actually doing. I did in fact cheat my way to the top but now I had a deep deep desire to stay there. I wanted to go down in the books as one of the longest champions. Just because I won this championship on a technicality didn't mean that's all my run as champion had to amount to. Don't get it twisted, I still wanted to be hated just I wanted to be hated for a different reason. I wanted to be hated because I was good.
Cut to the ending of Justice for Brawl. My match against BRADDOCK had been booked before his match for the OCW World Championship. Personally, I didn’t care if he won or lost. As far as I was concerned he had been bulldozing over anyone put in his way, well, aside from Mika, which meant beating him meant something. Even if there was interference in his match with Donnie he still came out the winner meaning if I won it was that first big step to show people I wasn’t just a druggie cheater, that I was actually a champion and a good one. Then again, maybe I wasn’t looking for everyone else’s validation, just my own.
I watched BRADDOCK get the win and as he walked backstage I watched his short interview, the little exchange he had with his minions, and watched him walk off. I took two things from this small encounter. The first, it didn’t matter what he said Nox and Zephyr were going to do whatever the hell they wanted which meant I needed to watch my back. Two, beating him didn’t just mean I beat one of the top wrestlers on the Roster, it means I would beat THE top wrestler of OCW.
There was something else about this match, it was like looking into a crystal ball and seeing my future. Well, kinda, if I was a sex crazed man anyway. Whether BRADDOCK knew it or not he was also an addict which meant we were on even playing fields. The difference between us though was I didn’t want to end up like that years down the road.
"BRADDOCK, the almost unbeatable champ. You’re really flying high right now aren’t you? Balancing both brands on your shoulders and being the guy to beat if you want to make it to the top. When people look at you they just think wrestler by the way you look. All beefed up with scars from putting your own face through glass and a skull missing a brain. Well scarecrow, if you only had a brain you probably wouldn’t have your first loss delivered to you by a girl. Hope you’re ready for another girl to beat you but this time it’s not going to be a roll up, I’m going to kick your ass.
You know, you and I are a lot alike but there’s one huge difference between us, I didn’t join up with some group to get to the top. I didn’t need help to get my championship. You can claim you don’t need their help, you can claim your there muscle, and you can claim that you told them not to show up and help you but those are just claims aren’t they? The proof in front of us all is that Nox and Zephyr reared their ugly mugs and put a but of a beat down on your opponent. It could be said that you planned that. It could be said that without their help you wouldn’t have walked out with a championship. Even if it is true you told them to let you deal with things they didn’t listen to you did they? You must not be that threatening. I on the other hand threatened a whole show and got a number one contendership match out of it. Then I threated to leave Rise without a Elevated champion and was given the championship. What I’m trying to say is a little girl is more threatening than you BRADDOCK. Funny ain't it?
While we’re talking about Asylum, you could have turned their offer down and didn’t. You choose to join the Rise misfits to be their “muscle” but unless they are shitting cash what’s in it for you? See how this makes you look like a bullshitter because you smell like bullshit to me. You wanted to stay on top and thought maybe they could help keep you there. Which is weird by the way since you were doing just fine on your own. Then you underestimated Mika and before you knew it you were in a roll up and your band of goths couldn’t make it to you fast enough to help you out. Sure you could say you don’t care about the records but you do care about cash right? So you must care about winning just a little, right? I guess we’re both carrying championships we dirtyed up huh?
Champion against Champion, but you’re not a champion are you BRADDOCK? You’re just a bone head with a need for cash and pussy. You don’t have the brains to be a champion and we all saw that when you were more worried about your match with Donnie and didn’t focus on the task at hand. Mike rolled you up because you weren’t focused and you didn’t have the brain cells to look past Donnie for a few minutes. The reason I’m a champion is because I came up with a plan to get on top and executed it perfectly. Sure, you could call it cheating but I call it using your brain to get what you want when you wanted. Not to mention I successfully defended my championship so it’s not like I don’t have the ability to hold the fucking thing.
Which leads me to my next point of why you’re not actually championship material. You’d think that a beef cake like yourself wouldn’t need help to get a championship but you did. So you don’t have the intellect to win a match and you’ve proven you don’t think you even have the physical ability to win soooooo are you actually a champion? Not for long is my guess.
So enjoy your time at the BRADDOCK because there’s only one way for you to go at this point and that’s how. It’s easy to be at rock bottom but it’s a lot harder to stay at the tippy top."
After ending my promo for our match I took a step back and really looked at BRADDOCK. He was fine where he was at. He had beer, weed, pussy, cash coming in from differently places, he had the life. The thing was he didn’t want anything better and didn’t try for anything better. The thing about addicts is we can see each other for what other people don’t. BRADDOCK might not seem to care and he may just seem like he’s rolling with the punches but the truth is he’s probably just as fucked up as me. The difference is I don’t plan to wallow in my fear and suffering for the next twenty years of my life and just stay where I am.
I want to get better. I just don’t know how.
I know most people look down on me, I'm used to that by now. Even though I'm a champion in this company, people don't take it for much. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if Management was just coming up with ideas to boot me out of the top spot on Rise because I made it into the cheap championship. I decided coming into this business that I wouldn't be the nice girl or the mutual one who some people like and others don't, I was going to be the person everyone hated...I was going to give people a reason to hate me. Mission accomplished.
However, I never thought that this business would begin to change me the way it has. I actually enjoyed wrestling and being in the ring. I loved the rush it gave me when I jumped off the ropes or went for a pin. I actually cared when Trent Killjoy won against me which was weird because I also told myself coming into this business that that's all it was...Business. A paycheck. Just something to keep me off the streets. I needed cash and a place to stay both of which Outcast Championship Wrestling offered me. Little did I know I actually would end up wanting more than just the basics. I wanted glory. There was just one little problem.
I'm an addict.
My clear and conscious mind started to fade away as the drugs set in. Little white pills laid on the counter in front of me and the pain in my body began to drift away. I walked from the bathroom into the main part of my hotel room. The walls started to move while I was standing still causing me to fall to the ground. One of my biggest problems is I liked to mix my poisons which didn't always end in a nice buzz or sweet high. I began to giggle before looking up and seeing the Elevate Championship hanging on the back of the hotel desk chair in my room. I should feel proud that I have it and even defended it successfully but I wasn't. Now that stupid championship was a reminder of how crap of a person I was and how changing was going to be too much work.
I let out a laugh before falling back on the ground and looking up at nothing. I found it funny that I was the joke because of how I got my championship. I found it funny because now everyone was going to expect me to lose it just as easily as I won it. Little did I know I actually might have set myself up for winning. Expectations can easily set someone up for failure. That's why I never gave myself any.
I sat back up and leaned forward resting my forehead on the hard carpet of the hotel room and let out another laugh that slowly turned into a cry. My entire body felt like it was on fire and laval was flowing through my veins. I could hear my mothers voice in my head telling me how much of a mistake I was. It was the pity hour and I was rolling in all of my bullcrap. All of that sound advice I was giving myself was fading behind what I actually thought of myself most of the time. Great, I really need to stop doing this to myself.
Before I knew it the sun was up and I was still laying on the floor. If it wasn't for the sun beaming off my championship I probably would have still been in a drug induced sleep. I wiped my mouth and peeled my body off the floor before walking over to the championship. I gripped in firmly in my hand and let out a sigh before looking out of the window at a clear sky in New Jersey.
"Fucking hell." I grabbed the back of my head with my opposite hand and raised the championship in front of my face. I couldn't help but smirk at it because a part of me knew how many people I was pissing off just by having it. It was clear that I wasn't a good guy or righteous little girl, it was easy to get people to hate me. That's when it clicked, exactly what I wanted.
I wanted to be a Champion.
I layed the championship back on the chair and went to get dressed for the gym. Somehow I managed to make it this far with little training and little idea of what I was actually doing. I did in fact cheat my way to the top but now I had a deep deep desire to stay there. I wanted to go down in the books as one of the longest champions. Just because I won this championship on a technicality didn't mean that's all my run as champion had to amount to. Don't get it twisted, I still wanted to be hated just I wanted to be hated for a different reason. I wanted to be hated because I was good.
Cut to the ending of Justice for Brawl. My match against BRADDOCK had been booked before his match for the OCW World Championship. Personally, I didn’t care if he won or lost. As far as I was concerned he had been bulldozing over anyone put in his way, well, aside from Mika, which meant beating him meant something. Even if there was interference in his match with Donnie he still came out the winner meaning if I won it was that first big step to show people I wasn’t just a druggie cheater, that I was actually a champion and a good one. Then again, maybe I wasn’t looking for everyone else’s validation, just my own.
I watched BRADDOCK get the win and as he walked backstage I watched his short interview, the little exchange he had with his minions, and watched him walk off. I took two things from this small encounter. The first, it didn’t matter what he said Nox and Zephyr were going to do whatever the hell they wanted which meant I needed to watch my back. Two, beating him didn’t just mean I beat one of the top wrestlers on the Roster, it means I would beat THE top wrestler of OCW.
There was something else about this match, it was like looking into a crystal ball and seeing my future. Well, kinda, if I was a sex crazed man anyway. Whether BRADDOCK knew it or not he was also an addict which meant we were on even playing fields. The difference between us though was I didn’t want to end up like that years down the road.
"BRADDOCK, the almost unbeatable champ. You’re really flying high right now aren’t you? Balancing both brands on your shoulders and being the guy to beat if you want to make it to the top. When people look at you they just think wrestler by the way you look. All beefed up with scars from putting your own face through glass and a skull missing a brain. Well scarecrow, if you only had a brain you probably wouldn’t have your first loss delivered to you by a girl. Hope you’re ready for another girl to beat you but this time it’s not going to be a roll up, I’m going to kick your ass.
You know, you and I are a lot alike but there’s one huge difference between us, I didn’t join up with some group to get to the top. I didn’t need help to get my championship. You can claim you don’t need their help, you can claim your there muscle, and you can claim that you told them not to show up and help you but those are just claims aren’t they? The proof in front of us all is that Nox and Zephyr reared their ugly mugs and put a but of a beat down on your opponent. It could be said that you planned that. It could be said that without their help you wouldn’t have walked out with a championship. Even if it is true you told them to let you deal with things they didn’t listen to you did they? You must not be that threatening. I on the other hand threatened a whole show and got a number one contendership match out of it. Then I threated to leave Rise without a Elevated champion and was given the championship. What I’m trying to say is a little girl is more threatening than you BRADDOCK. Funny ain't it?
While we’re talking about Asylum, you could have turned their offer down and didn’t. You choose to join the Rise misfits to be their “muscle” but unless they are shitting cash what’s in it for you? See how this makes you look like a bullshitter because you smell like bullshit to me. You wanted to stay on top and thought maybe they could help keep you there. Which is weird by the way since you were doing just fine on your own. Then you underestimated Mika and before you knew it you were in a roll up and your band of goths couldn’t make it to you fast enough to help you out. Sure you could say you don’t care about the records but you do care about cash right? So you must care about winning just a little, right? I guess we’re both carrying championships we dirtyed up huh?
Champion against Champion, but you’re not a champion are you BRADDOCK? You’re just a bone head with a need for cash and pussy. You don’t have the brains to be a champion and we all saw that when you were more worried about your match with Donnie and didn’t focus on the task at hand. Mike rolled you up because you weren’t focused and you didn’t have the brain cells to look past Donnie for a few minutes. The reason I’m a champion is because I came up with a plan to get on top and executed it perfectly. Sure, you could call it cheating but I call it using your brain to get what you want when you wanted. Not to mention I successfully defended my championship so it’s not like I don’t have the ability to hold the fucking thing.
Which leads me to my next point of why you’re not actually championship material. You’d think that a beef cake like yourself wouldn’t need help to get a championship but you did. So you don’t have the intellect to win a match and you’ve proven you don’t think you even have the physical ability to win soooooo are you actually a champion? Not for long is my guess.
So enjoy your time at the BRADDOCK because there’s only one way for you to go at this point and that’s how. It’s easy to be at rock bottom but it’s a lot harder to stay at the tippy top."
After ending my promo for our match I took a step back and really looked at BRADDOCK. He was fine where he was at. He had beer, weed, pussy, cash coming in from differently places, he had the life. The thing was he didn’t want anything better and didn’t try for anything better. The thing about addicts is we can see each other for what other people don’t. BRADDOCK might not seem to care and he may just seem like he’s rolling with the punches but the truth is he’s probably just as fucked up as me. The difference is I don’t plan to wallow in my fear and suffering for the next twenty years of my life and just stay where I am.
I want to get better. I just don’t know how.
