HaBiTaT-4-InHuMaNiTy

[jestyrseryous]

…So as you can see for yourselves here we are @ the HoMe DePOT!!! Why you may be wondering? Well given that we are headed towards the end of Outcast Championship Wrestling we are also headed straight for greener pastures indeed as the end of OCW means the begin of something else…Something much bigger, grander,

~$~ BeTTeR ~$~

IT’S CaLLeD ELeVaTe PRO WRESTLING

!!!!SoaK!!!!

!!!!SoMe!!!!

!!!!!!UP!!!!!!

…Yeah It’s A BiT EARLY 4 THiS BuT GooD ADViCe IS GooD ADVICe, RIGHT?...RIGHT!!!

Which means there are all kinna opportunities abound! A chance to give a heartfelt farewell to the bridge that lead us to our current course, and hello to the breathe taking dawn of a beautiful brand new day. So bearing this in mind, we would like to warmly welcome you to the first episode of

~$~ HaBaTaT 4 InHuMaNiTy ~$~

…HoSTeD By THe TiN$LeToWN TRoUBLEMaKeR & BRaNd NEW FIGHT4 CHAMPION Je$TyR SeRyOu$!!!

We find ourselves lost on one of the countless aisles in this particular mega hardware store. But don’t worry because a few moments before the panic sets in we see a familiar smiling face pushing a buggy and wearing one of those lame ass orange Home Depot slave vests. Jestyr’s buggy is practically over flowing as we see various tools, nuts, bolts, screws, and a few large pieces of lumber.

THe FIGHT4 Champion aside from his orange vest is dressed to the 9’s in his purple tailor fit armani suit. He has the OCW FIGHT4 Championship belt wrapped comfortably around his waist, the way it glimmers in the light would even suggest Mr. SeRyOu$ had that bitch polished! He immediatley notices the camera and well the actual smile from his face vanishes but no worries cause he has one painted on so, ya know there’s that! But anyway once he notices the camera he immediately abandons his buggie walks over to the person holding the camera and jerks the top of it sending our image shaking violently until he has it firmly focused on the OCW FIGHT4 Championship belt, he then jerks the camera up at his face that is once again beaming with both of his smiles, as he says..

Je$TyR SeRyOu$: First things first DWEEBS YOU SEE THIS HERE? K, now incase you don’t remember what I already dun told ya, I’ll tell you again just for the sake of saying outloud…

~!$!~ IT’$ F’N M.I.N.E. ~!$!~

AND PLEASE LET THE RECORD SHOW I TOOK THE VERY FIRST OPPORTUNITY AFFORDED ME TO ReMiNd YA I

!!!!!F’N TOLD YA SO!!!!!

…CaUSe I MeAN, I DID!!!

Add the former champ whatever her stupid name was to the growing list of people that vanish off the face of the Earth mere moments after I feed them their La$T F’N SuPPER!!! ANd guess what TWATS? I made sure to leave enough room on that list for pretty much

!!!!EVeRy F’N ONE OF YA!!!!!

…BuT See ToDay WE ARE HeRe To DISCuSS ADDING ONE SPECIFIC NAME TO THAT LIST!!!

His name is Easton Alexander, and just like your first inclination when you hear a name like that I can sure you that the answer to your question is a strong and very emphatic

!!!!!Y.E.S.!!!!!!

HE IS AS DOUCHEY AS YOU’D FIGURE SOMEONE NAMED EASTON WOULD BE!!!

But we will get to him in just a tick cause I mean he is the reason we are even here when we should by all accounts still be celebrating our monumental GOLDEN phucking win on the official final Outcase PPV! But no instead I had to come into the office early and set up this whole production because being one of the select few to enter this new era of this wrestling promotion as one of its best and brightest comes with responsibilities and duties that transcend that of the other peasants. I don’t think Mr. Alexander is aware of such things, but that is precisely why I am here to begin with…

!!!!!TO TRASH GaRBaGe LiKe EASTON ALEXANDER!!!!

SoMeOnE WASN’T PayING ATTeNTIoN To THEiR LESSoNS LAST WEEK!!!!

But ya know what? It’s ok I understand every class has its slow learners, so I devised a way for Mr. Alexander to put his present set of circumstances into their proper perspective, and well I believe this shall truly be one of the most effective teaching methods I have devised yet. Ive done it once before but I got a special feeling about this one here! Because you do realize Mr. Alexander now is the time for you to put your big boy britches (assuming a dildo like you even has a pair) on and push forward as you just like me now represent the new era of this company as we head into it’s prominent future as two of it’s CHAMPIONS. However the difference between the two of us, well aside from the simple fact that I don’t

!!!!F’N SUCK!!!!

YOU ARE STUCK LOOKIN IN THE REARVIEW WHEN CLEARLY THE REST OF US HAVE OUR EYES WHERE THEY SHOULD BE..

On the road forward, because in this business making it to tomorrow is the one and only thing that matters. But if you wanna stop and reflect on your precious moments spent building the OCW name sure go ahead take what’s left of your allotted 15 if you wanna, but just know and understand once you come up for air you may find it difficult to breathe because what I and a few select others are going to be building once we officially become ELEVATE PRO WRESTLING to you will be like a completely

!!!!DiFFeReNT F’N PLaNeT!!!!

WHICH WILL EXPLAIN WHY YOU ARE CHOKING ON THE ATMOSPHERE!!!

You don’t deserve to breathe the same air as we do, and that much is obvious because you are not cut from the cloth of greatness, shit from what I saw you should consider yourself fortunate I allow you to watch my phucking matches! And I don’t just say these things to you because I’m the DoN oF DI$Re$PeCT…no I actually have reasons, and would you like to guess who phuckin gave em to me?...BaMMMPPP

!!!!SpoILeR ALeRT ASSHAT!!!!

(IT WAS YOU, YA F’N NITWiT!)

Which brings us to where we stand presently here at the HOme DePoT WHERE DO’erz GeT MoRE DONE, and TODAY, GoD WiLLiNG I’ll prove above and beyond any and everything else just how

!!!!F’N DONE!!!!

I, and PReTTy MUCH EVeRyONe EL$e i$ w YOUR DUMB ASS!!!

Ahhh here WE GO, jusssstttt what I was lookin for. It’s beautiful! NO IT’S PERFECT!!!

Jestyr as we now see that the camera has focused in on Jestyr’s background we see he is on the shovel aisle. THe shovel has always been his favorite choice of weapon. He he walks right over to one with a yellow handle and a dark black spade. He picks it up uses both hands to carefully inspect, and he turns to the camera with almost a child like gleaming in his eye as he nods his head yes and continues.

Je$TyR SeRyOu$: Ahhhh and the final piece necessary for us to officially undertake this very important project. Why a shovel you may be wondering? Well it’s actually quite phuckin simple kids, OBVIOUSLY before trying to lay any kind of foundation you first dig in right? And well also my low key favorite about the shovel is what sets the shovel aside form the rest of the

!!!!F’N TooLZ!!!!

IS THAT IT’S THE ONLY TOOL THERE IZ THAT MAKES BURYING OTHER TOOLZ THAT MUCH EASIER!!!

But more on that in a sec, we’re kinda on the clock here!

We then see a montage of quick scenes with Jestyr standing in the check out aisle next to this elderly gentlemen buying gardening supplies, we then see another brief scene of Jestyr giving the man some gardening tips being something of a BoTaNi$T himself. We then see him paying for his items as Jestyr notices the queer looks he is getting from the young checkout dude. Jestyr reaches over and forcefully rips his nametag off and tosses it over his shoulder as he grabs the boy by his cheeks and says

Je$TyR SeRyOu$: TaKe A PICTURE IT LASTS LONGER ASSBAG!!!

Scene then cuts outside in the parking lot as Jestyr is packing all of his building supplies into the bed of his large black F150 on monster truck tires. He is tanding on the tailgate of his truck as he holds up his keys and presses a button that causes the tailbed to slowly lower onto the ground. Once close enough Jestyr hops off and into the front seat. He roars up the engine as (SLAVES) blares over the speakers.

He winks at the camera before putting on a pair of white thick rimmed sunglasses throwing the gear into reverse. He slams on the gas pedal shooting the large truck flying backwards. Narrowly missing a young married couple, but not being so fortunate with their little SUV as he backs right into it smashing the glass and the rest of the back side of their vehicle completely to SHIT! HE stops pokes his head out the window and laughs to himself as he then throws the truck in drive presses his foot on the gas and peels out of the parking lot as the married couple stand there in sheer terror as their brains try and grasp the fact that this happened in real life. WoMp WoMp!!!

…4 HoURZ n 19 MiNZ LaTeR!!!

We see Jestyr Seryous sitting directly in front of the door that the talent and everyone involved with bringing the final OCW Battleground to life will use to enter the building. We hear the loud sound of nails being hammered into wood, we even hear a power saw in the back ground. Jestyr sitting in his truck with the door open. He is sitting facing us as he reaches behind him to grab the lighter he uses to light the cigarette in his mouth. HE takes a drag and looks off into the distance our vantage point don’t allow us to see. He then hops down out of the truck closing the door. He then rests his back against his truck as he takes a drag exhaling the smoke as he does that thing he does…

Je$TyR SeRyOu$: K so to save us all some time before we go any further Easton I’m gunna need you to do us all a favor and go watch MY PROMO from last week and then your last one as well, K?...We got time so we’ll wait…Ohh but make sure you watch mine first because well MiNe CaMe FiR$T!!! K see ya in a bit…

(The rest of yall go get a snack)

…K, so all caught up now? Clearly you may have noticed a similarity between the two concepts behind them yes? Well despite the glaringly obvious similarities I’m here to tell ya phuck mook there are also a few

!!!!!GLaRiNG F’n DiFFeReNCe$!!!!!

1 WaS DoNe RigHT, The OTHeR…YEaH NoT So MuCH!!!

But at the very least I actually learned that whatever phucksock is responsible for saying

~$~ IMiTaTioN IS THe SiNCeRe$T FoRM oF FLaTTeRy ~$~

WAS MORE FULL OF SHIT THEN THAT JON DENVER!!!!

Because as you can see I’m not flattered or even amused, actually I’m phucking INSULTED!!! Cause look here ya phuckin slapdick, I’m even gunna give you the benefit of the doubt and say you did this because you didn’t see mine, which should tell you just how half ass you are! What kind of teacher gives others homework that he aint willing to do himself. I know we really aren’t teachers, but hopefully now you can see the benefit of doing ones homework so you can avoid moments like this where you come off looking like

!!!!THe HaLF ASS, MoUTH BReaTHING F’N GooBeR!!!!

THAT YOU ARE AND PRoLLy ALWayZ HaVe BEEN!!!

BUt the fact that you now parade around this company holding one of its top prizes is what actually insults me the most, because you are no champion you are nothing more than a CHUMP…and that’s me being nice ASSWIPE! Crimes such as these are INTOLERABLE and go against any and every single principle that ELEVATE PRO WRESTLING SHOULD BE BUILT ON! ANd so I brought HABiTaT 4 INHuMaNiTy TO YOU, to let you and everyone else know that while this show is about nostalgia it is more so about the future, and in that future crimes iike this will be punished

!!!!SeVeRLy!!!!

So MUCH SO THE THoUGHT oF CoMiTTiNG THEM IS UNTHINKABLE!

So yes you may be a CHAMPION for now, but I don’t think you’ll fit very well in this new world Easton! Because well quite frankly before any member of the OCW roster can step foot inside the arena first they must join me, and my friends in taking a stroll directly over this here

!!!!BRiDGe!!!

THe ONE THAT LEADS US WHERE WE SHOULD BE…OVER YOUR BITCH ASS!!!

SO uh…TaDAaAaAaA…

Camera then slowly pans around as we see the kids from Jestyr’s kindergarten class from his promo last week. THey are putting the finishing touches on the bridge as it looks MARVELOUS, especially the specially engraved name on the center bannister of the bridge that reads

-------> THIS WAY OVER EASTON!!!

The camera then pans back around to Je$TyR as he has that arrogant smirk plastered from ear to ear as he winks into the camera as he silently mouths the words

!!!!SoaK!!!!

!!!!SoMe!!!!

!!!!!!UP!!!!!!
...SoUNDz So NiCe Ya GeT 2 HeaRZ IT TWiCe!!!

Je$TyR SeRyOu$ takes advantage of this wonderful opportunity to be the first one TO GET OVER EASTON ALEXANDER…Yall go out of your way to try it, it feels nice…Almost as much as this time like the other times before

…HaVe BeeN YOUR PLea$uRE

4:19

GoT

-A-

??MiNuTe??