Post by jestyrseryous on Jun 11, 2024 21:42:09 GMT -5
Scene opens up on the balcony of OUTLAWZ (Johnny’z strip club on Bourbon Street) as the sun is just barley starting to creep over the horizon. Our HOST of HOST still dressed to the nines in his purple suit with white pinstripes. He has a top hat to match as well. He sits patiently, calmly watching the beautiful sun rise over his grimey beautiful city. He takes a long soothing drag from his cigarette and exhales the smoke from his nostrils and looks down briefly. Then back up at the sunrise and pauses as if he meant to choose his words carefully…ANd well yall know this muddah phucker that is precisely what he did, which after his pause is when he starts doing that thing he does so much better than the rest of ya’z!...
WeLCoMe BaCK ASSBAGZ…
Anyway phucksocks we are here back in THe BiG Ea$y for a very SoMBeR OCCASION! Cause look I need yall to LiSSeN AT ME RIGHT QUICK, K? The last time I was absolutely being SeRyOu$, but it was still all
No today I brought you back here to my home because if you are gunna do somethin ya might as well do it right…RIGHT???
But CLOWN? W-T-F? You haven’t killed Donnie Harris…YET! And while that is a very interesting point, kinda because you see, while I may not have physically broken the 6th COMMANDMENT and left that gaping TWAT laying in a fricken chalk outline, doesn’t mean I haven’t killed a part of him. You see from the moment Britt Balor refused to even phucking acknowledge the various miscarriages of justice around her own rasslin promotion I swore I would not rest until I burned this whole bitch to the ground and then rebuild something better on top of the
THe victory I either promised or promise in the here and now is one that will be brutal, bloody, and my favorite ABSOF’NLUTE!!! Because Donnie Harris boys and girls is a fixture of the old guard that simply must be removed, destroyed, and broken into as many got damn pieces as possible to ensure all the kings horses and all the kings men, never put HuMPTY
And that is precisely why I had to drag my happy ass all the way back to the BIG EASY ya see?...NO, well lemme CLEARZ IT UP FOR YA! K so for those of you that don’t know one of the reasons New Orleans is one of if not the greatest cities in this GODFORSAKEN country is because we are one rooted very deep in tradition, hospitality, and spirituality. Way before we were even apart of these here United States we began traditions that are still practiced and carried out to this day. New Orleans is so great because it is one of the very few places in the world to where the moment you step foot onto it’s concrete soil you can actually FEEL that you are there!
Our culture is second to phucking NONE KIDS, and that’s a PHUCKING FACT JACK
Anyway point is cumdropz, one of our most honored and sacred traditions is one particular funeral ritual that ensures the DEAD can move onto to a place where their lingering unfinished business and what not cannot remain behind and haunt us even if they wanted to, and knowing that whiney dildo Donnie like I know I do, he would definitely try and hang around so we could hear him crying in the shadows about being the big deal he
But I digress (again…SoRRY yeah NOT SORRY PHUCK YOU)
SO here is how it works see. IN New Orleans when someone passes away it is customary for the family and friends of the DEARLY departed to gather together to personally walk the dearly departed to their final resting place. Only here is where it gets fun, because you see this isn’t just any walk. Not like a Catholic funeral that is sad, stoic, and very boring…SO imagine a Donnie Harris promo as a funeral procession
NO see just like most things in THe French Quarter we do things with a little more panache, or SWAG as the kids these days call it. THere is typically a huge parade with music, dancing, singing and other loud noises. And if you are that dumb ass sitting in your mother’s basement presently wondering why in the hell we would do such a thing the answer is quite simple. THe idea behind it is to lead the DePaRTeD’s SPiRiT away from it’s home so it may find whatever fate or peace awaits them in the afterlife, because naturally most souls would rather remain with their loved ones so if this isn’t done and done properly at that then the spirit would be stuck hounding and haunting those of us who are stuck here trying to
Now why they do the whole parade magoo, I’m not quite sure I don’t make the phuckin rulez I just work here ya know? If you want to know ask Siri or Alexa, or just google the shit I don’t care. Point is today we bury the essence and spirit of Donnie Harris and we do it for good, because after that it will be all over with save the
So now that you know the how and why of it, you’ll have to excuse me I have some uhhh FINaL PRePeRaTioN$ to make, and yes all the PUNZ INTENDED, But we will see yall in just a tick!
THe sunrise much like what’s left of Donnie Harris’s credibility is clearly in the rearview as the sun is almost at it’s apex in the sky. And the TiN$LeToWn TRoUBLeMaKeR is standing at the head of a large grand funeral procession. THere is a large JACKASS drawn buggy typically used to shuttle tourists from one place to another but today it is carrying a large black casket that has the words HAHAHAHAHA spray painted on it in white and purple. Jestyr himself stands with a cigarette hanging from his lips as he flicks it away and holds out his hand as Ms. BeHaVe walks up and hands him a large purple umbrella to match his suit that he opens up and has the words HA HA HA painted on it as well scattered all over the top of the umbrella, cause it be hot as PHUCK out here today. Jestyr then reaches in his breast pocket and removes a silver whistle that he puts in his mouth, but for a moment pauses and takes it out then turns to the camera and says…
Here’s the thing DoNNIE, I know I said this was supposed to be done by your loved ones, but since there aren’t any of those to be found I let you borrow a phuck ton of mine…SO if you are ready to watch your immediate future join the rest of everyone else in
…You’re WeLCoMe BY THE BY ASSHAT!!!!
Mr. SeRyOu$ then puts the whistle in his mouth and gives it three hard blows. And then the FuN STaRTS…Here watch!!!
Scene opens almost in the exact opposite place from where we started. Instead of the sun creeping its way slowly into the sky it is now making it’s decadent descent from wence it came as the orange vibrant glow coming from the clouds alost identically mirrors the various torches lining the shallow grave the CLoWN promised in one of New Orleans over crowded cemeteries. We see so many grand sepchuclers with statues of Jesus, the Crucifix, and the Virgin Mary standing in silent vigil watching over the sacred remains of the dearly departed.
A small crowd of the men and women who joined Je$TyR in his funeral procession for the spirit and remaining legacy of Donnie Harris stand with solemn looks on their faces all staring at the ground as Je$TyR SeRyOu$ paces backwards and forwards before stopping to gaze at the sunset as he smirks to himself at the irony of watching a sunset as the sun sets on the legacy of Donnie Harris right here this very evening. He then shrugs his shoulders and lowers his head finding his smile. Mere moments later his head shoots up and that wild twinkle in his eye and arrogant smirk shoots across his face as he laughs before standing right in front of Donnie’s elaborate HAHAHA’s black and white casket. He puts his hands on it as he begins his EULoGy, so this as usual is your que to shut ya bitch ass mouths K…LiSSeN UP!!!
Ladies and esteemed gentlemen I cannot thank you enough for joining me here this evening for this truly
Endings on this spinning blue and green rock can be sad even torterous times, but for most of us they more times often than not also mean it is time for brand new beginnings! And let us make no mistake about it boys and girls Elevate Pro Wrestling is IN
Because while the company itself was carried on the back of men like Donnie Harris it has become painfully aparent that this simply and perhaps even sadly cannot be allowed to continue. Because while he has been the leader he has lead this company into nothing but PHUCKING SQUALOR just like the companies owners Britt and Joli Balor and I have vowed to make it my personal busines to see this travesty and miscariage of justice RIGHTED
ANd EPW has wasted more than enough on broken records, and half ass half wits like Donnie Harris who claim to be something they aren’t even a phucking fraction of! Donnie Harris is no hero, he isn’t a leader, and he damn sure aint no PHUCKING CHAMPION! He is on his last chance and he doesn’t even know it yet! It’s a sad sick joke that everyone is sick of laughing at, MYSELF ESPECIALLY, and it has to stop right here and right now! Because as we begin the next phase of pro wrestling
Because if Donnie Harris was even a fraction of the warrior he pretends to be, then where is his focus, where is his gold, which begs the final question of
?WHAT F’N LEGACY??
Because as I have clearly demonstrated ladies and gentlemen my focus is no where but Donnie Harris. And suffice to say he isn’t the only situation of mine that immediately needs phucking situating in EPW. But his head is in three phucking thousand different places, and well you take your eye off of me for a fraction of a second and that is the very moment I call the fat lady and tell that bitch she’z
What have you to show for your many trials and tribulations sir? Before I beat you within an inch of your life and you sit up and take a look around I want you to actually think about what they will say of you when you are GoNe my boy! Because all they will say and be able to talk about is what you have shown them and me on the road to this here contest between you and I! And that my dimwitted DUMB ASS is that you are not just a
You constantly overestimate yourself and underestimate your opposition. I will show you what a true leader does, I will show you what a real warrior is, because shenanigans or not you will receive your proper beating at my hands because I don’t worry about that shit. Piss on your honor and valor because the one and only thing that matters in this busines is VICTORY MY BOY and Ill take em any way I can get em. If that means taking your SARAH away from you I WILL. If that means snapping your neck in front of a sold out crowd of faceless morons then I WILL! ANd the one thing you will know for a phucking fact when you wake up Tuesday MORNING asshat is that YOU CANNOT TAKE CHAOS FROM ME BECAUSE GOOD SIR
Your spirit can wander this world for the rest of eternity for all I give a phuck doggie! Because my back up plans have phucking back up plans and you my friend are the very thing that I have gathered a small army to destroy! You aren’t strong enough to stop it on your own or even if you had friends! You are a symbol of what once was and now it’s over! You can say and think what you want about me dickhead but at the end of the day when all is said and done the one thing I will prove above and beyond anything else that while my face is the one painted you are the one who is the PHUCKING CLOWN…Which will be a notion that left hooks your phucking brain the moment after the bell rings and the announcer officially informs the EPW universe that on that night Je$TyR SeRyOu$ made DoNNIe HARRIS
And if you don’t wanna take my word for it…WATCH THIS DILDO!!!!
Jestyr then walks behind the casket puts his foot on it and gives it a VIOLENT F’N SHOVE. It topples over and shatters into pieces as the wood and gravity have their typical disagreement! Once the books shatters open we see a movie quality Donnie Harris deadbody. It looks JUST F’N LIKE HIM. BUt Jestyr walks over grabs his face and paints a sad clown face with tears and everything as he drags him over to the shallow grave he promised to bury him in and then tosses him inside. He then walks over to his actual weapon of CHOICE. A black shovel with WHITE HA HA’s painted all over it and then he slams it into the ground and kicks up the dirt and as the scene switches to inside the grave we see the CLOWN toss the dirt ontop of this metaphorical Donnie Harris fading out to the mad loony laughter of the MOST SeRyOU$ man in ELEVATE PRO WRESTLING once again leaving you with the simple notion that this time like all the otherz…
HaS BeeN YoUR PLea$uRe!!!!
WeLCoMe BaCK ASSBAGZ…
!!!!!OoOpZ SoRRy!!!!!
I MeaNT INGRATEZ…SoRRy I’M SuPPoSeD TO Be ON MY Be$T BeHaViOR!!!
Anyway phucksocks we are here back in THe BiG Ea$y for a very SoMBeR OCCASION! Cause look I need yall to LiSSeN AT ME RIGHT QUICK, K? The last time I was absolutely being SeRyOu$, but it was still all
!!!!!F’N FuN~n~GaMeZ!!!!!
THIS TIME I AM FOR REAL GUNNA SHOW YOU I CAN BE SERY…SERIOU$!!!!
No today I brought you back here to my home because if you are gunna do somethin ya might as well do it right…RIGHT???
!!!!!R.I.G.H.T.!!!!!
…AND TRUST ME BURYING DONNIE HARRIS IN A SHALLOW GRAVE IS SUM YOU WANNA DO KoRReCTLy!!!
But CLOWN? W-T-F? You haven’t killed Donnie Harris…YET! And while that is a very interesting point, kinda because you see, while I may not have physically broken the 6th COMMANDMENT and left that gaping TWAT laying in a fricken chalk outline, doesn’t mean I haven’t killed a part of him. You see from the moment Britt Balor refused to even phucking acknowledge the various miscarriages of justice around her own rasslin promotion I swore I would not rest until I burned this whole bitch to the ground and then rebuild something better on top of the
!!!!!F’N A$HeZ!!!!!
AND IT STARTED IN HER OWN OFFICE AND CoNTiNuEZ w DePuTy D-BaG DONNiE HARRIS!!!
THe victory I either promised or promise in the here and now is one that will be brutal, bloody, and my favorite ABSOF’NLUTE!!! Because Donnie Harris boys and girls is a fixture of the old guard that simply must be removed, destroyed, and broken into as many got damn pieces as possible to ensure all the kings horses and all the kings men, never put HuMPTY
!!!!!!D.U.M.M.Y’Z.!!!!!!
STUPID ASS BACK TOGETHER AGAIN!!!!!
And that is precisely why I had to drag my happy ass all the way back to the BIG EASY ya see?...NO, well lemme CLEARZ IT UP FOR YA! K so for those of you that don’t know one of the reasons New Orleans is one of if not the greatest cities in this GODFORSAKEN country is because we are one rooted very deep in tradition, hospitality, and spirituality. Way before we were even apart of these here United States we began traditions that are still practiced and carried out to this day. New Orleans is so great because it is one of the very few places in the world to where the moment you step foot onto it’s concrete soil you can actually FEEL that you are there!
Our culture is second to phucking NONE KIDS, and that’s a PHUCKING FACT JACK
!!!!!FIGHT ME!!!!!!
…AS USUAL I’LL WIN (SPOILER ALERT!) HA
Anyway point is cumdropz, one of our most honored and sacred traditions is one particular funeral ritual that ensures the DEAD can move onto to a place where their lingering unfinished business and what not cannot remain behind and haunt us even if they wanted to, and knowing that whiney dildo Donnie like I know I do, he would definitely try and hang around so we could hear him crying in the shadows about being the big deal he
!!!!!NeVeR F’N WAS!!!!!
2 BeGiN w/…THE PHUCK OUTTA HERE WITH THAT BOOLSHIT!!!!
But I digress (again…SoRRY yeah NOT SORRY PHUCK YOU)
SO here is how it works see. IN New Orleans when someone passes away it is customary for the family and friends of the DEARLY departed to gather together to personally walk the dearly departed to their final resting place. Only here is where it gets fun, because you see this isn’t just any walk. Not like a Catholic funeral that is sad, stoic, and very boring…SO imagine a Donnie Harris promo as a funeral procession
!!!!HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
…AGAIN SoRRy NoT S.O.R.R.Y.! (THAT SHITS F’N FUN-E)
NO see just like most things in THe French Quarter we do things with a little more panache, or SWAG as the kids these days call it. THere is typically a huge parade with music, dancing, singing and other loud noises. And if you are that dumb ass sitting in your mother’s basement presently wondering why in the hell we would do such a thing the answer is quite simple. THe idea behind it is to lead the DePaRTeD’s SPiRiT away from it’s home so it may find whatever fate or peace awaits them in the afterlife, because naturally most souls would rather remain with their loved ones so if this isn’t done and done properly at that then the spirit would be stuck hounding and haunting those of us who are stuck here trying to
!!!!!!GeT THe PHuCK On w/ OuR LIVEZ!!!!!
WHICH IS WHAT WILL HAPPEN THE MOMENT I PUT DONNIE HARRIS IN THE PAST TENSE…PERMANENTLY!!!
Now why they do the whole parade magoo, I’m not quite sure I don’t make the phuckin rulez I just work here ya know? If you want to know ask Siri or Alexa, or just google the shit I don’t care. Point is today we bury the essence and spirit of Donnie Harris and we do it for good, because after that it will be all over with save the
!!!!!CRyING!!!!!
AND REST ASSURED AFTER(IF) THEY REVIVE Mrs. HaRRIS He’s GUNNA BE THE ONE CRYING LIKE A BITCH!!!
So now that you know the how and why of it, you’ll have to excuse me I have some uhhh FINaL PRePeRaTioN$ to make, and yes all the PUNZ INTENDED, But we will see yall in just a tick!
4 HRZ & 19 MiNZ LaTeR!!!
THe sunrise much like what’s left of Donnie Harris’s credibility is clearly in the rearview as the sun is almost at it’s apex in the sky. And the TiN$LeToWn TRoUBLeMaKeR is standing at the head of a large grand funeral procession. THere is a large JACKASS drawn buggy typically used to shuttle tourists from one place to another but today it is carrying a large black casket that has the words HAHAHAHAHA spray painted on it in white and purple. Jestyr himself stands with a cigarette hanging from his lips as he flicks it away and holds out his hand as Ms. BeHaVe walks up and hands him a large purple umbrella to match his suit that he opens up and has the words HA HA HA painted on it as well scattered all over the top of the umbrella, cause it be hot as PHUCK out here today. Jestyr then reaches in his breast pocket and removes a silver whistle that he puts in his mouth, but for a moment pauses and takes it out then turns to the camera and says…
Here’s the thing DoNNIE, I know I said this was supposed to be done by your loved ones, but since there aren’t any of those to be found I let you borrow a phuck ton of mine…SO if you are ready to watch your immediate future join the rest of everyone else in
!!!!!!SHUTUPViLLe!!!!!!
…AND SHUT UP YOUR STUPID FACE AND WATCH THE LAST SPECTACLE THAT WILL EVER BE MADE OUT OF YOU!!!!
…You’re WeLCoMe BY THE BY ASSHAT!!!!
Mr. SeRyOu$ then puts the whistle in his mouth and gives it three hard blows. And then the FuN STaRTS…Here watch!!!
A LoT F’N LaTeR!!!!
Scene opens almost in the exact opposite place from where we started. Instead of the sun creeping its way slowly into the sky it is now making it’s decadent descent from wence it came as the orange vibrant glow coming from the clouds alost identically mirrors the various torches lining the shallow grave the CLoWN promised in one of New Orleans over crowded cemeteries. We see so many grand sepchuclers with statues of Jesus, the Crucifix, and the Virgin Mary standing in silent vigil watching over the sacred remains of the dearly departed.
A small crowd of the men and women who joined Je$TyR in his funeral procession for the spirit and remaining legacy of Donnie Harris stand with solemn looks on their faces all staring at the ground as Je$TyR SeRyOu$ paces backwards and forwards before stopping to gaze at the sunset as he smirks to himself at the irony of watching a sunset as the sun sets on the legacy of Donnie Harris right here this very evening. He then shrugs his shoulders and lowers his head finding his smile. Mere moments later his head shoots up and that wild twinkle in his eye and arrogant smirk shoots across his face as he laughs before standing right in front of Donnie’s elaborate HAHAHA’s black and white casket. He puts his hands on it as he begins his EULoGy, so this as usual is your que to shut ya bitch ass mouths K…LiSSeN UP!!!
Ladies and esteemed gentlemen I cannot thank you enough for joining me here this evening for this truly
~$~ MoMeNTuS oF OCCa$iONZ ~$~
AS WE BID ADUE TO THAT WHICH IS NO LONGER F’N NeCeSSaRy!!!
Endings on this spinning blue and green rock can be sad even torterous times, but for most of us they more times often than not also mean it is time for brand new beginnings! And let us make no mistake about it boys and girls Elevate Pro Wrestling is IN
!!!!!F’N De$PeRaTe NeeD!!!!!
OF ONE OF THEM BITCHEZ!!!!
Because while the company itself was carried on the back of men like Donnie Harris it has become painfully aparent that this simply and perhaps even sadly cannot be allowed to continue. Because while he has been the leader he has lead this company into nothing but PHUCKING SQUALOR just like the companies owners Britt and Joli Balor and I have vowed to make it my personal busines to see this travesty and miscariage of justice RIGHTED
!!!!QuICK Fa$T and iN a F’N HuRRy!!!!
CauSe THe MaIN ReaSON We ARe GaTHeReD HeRe IS BeCaUSe oF HoW PRECioU$ TIME IS!!!!
ANd EPW has wasted more than enough on broken records, and half ass half wits like Donnie Harris who claim to be something they aren’t even a phucking fraction of! Donnie Harris is no hero, he isn’t a leader, and he damn sure aint no PHUCKING CHAMPION! He is on his last chance and he doesn’t even know it yet! It’s a sad sick joke that everyone is sick of laughing at, MYSELF ESPECIALLY, and it has to stop right here and right now! Because as we begin the next phase of pro wrestling
!!!!!F’N GREATNESS HERE IN EPW!!!!!
WE MUST FIRST DESTROY THAT WHICH STANDS IN IT’S STEAD!!!
Because if Donnie Harris was even a fraction of the warrior he pretends to be, then where is his focus, where is his gold, which begs the final question of
?WHAT F’N LEGACY??WHICH IS WHAT THEY WILL ASK THE MOMENT I PUT HIM IN THE GROUND!!!
Because as I have clearly demonstrated ladies and gentlemen my focus is no where but Donnie Harris. And suffice to say he isn’t the only situation of mine that immediately needs phucking situating in EPW. But his head is in three phucking thousand different places, and well you take your eye off of me for a fraction of a second and that is the very moment I call the fat lady and tell that bitch she’z
~!$!~ On IN 3 ~!$!~
SO AGAIN DONNIE WHAT F’N LEGACY ARE YOU LEAVIN BRUH???
What have you to show for your many trials and tribulations sir? Before I beat you within an inch of your life and you sit up and take a look around I want you to actually think about what they will say of you when you are GoNe my boy! Because all they will say and be able to talk about is what you have shown them and me on the road to this here contest between you and I! And that my dimwitted DUMB ASS is that you are not just a
!!!!!F’N FaiLuRe!!!!!
THE REASON UR a FaILuRe Is B/C YoU ARE A FOOL!!!
You constantly overestimate yourself and underestimate your opposition. I will show you what a true leader does, I will show you what a real warrior is, because shenanigans or not you will receive your proper beating at my hands because I don’t worry about that shit. Piss on your honor and valor because the one and only thing that matters in this busines is VICTORY MY BOY and Ill take em any way I can get em. If that means taking your SARAH away from you I WILL. If that means snapping your neck in front of a sold out crowd of faceless morons then I WILL! ANd the one thing you will know for a phucking fact when you wake up Tuesday MORNING asshat is that YOU CANNOT TAKE CHAOS FROM ME BECAUSE GOOD SIR
!!!!!I AM F’N CHAOS!!!!!
IN ADDITION TO BEING JUST STRAIGHT UP BETTER THAN YOU!!!
Your spirit can wander this world for the rest of eternity for all I give a phuck doggie! Because my back up plans have phucking back up plans and you my friend are the very thing that I have gathered a small army to destroy! You aren’t strong enough to stop it on your own or even if you had friends! You are a symbol of what once was and now it’s over! You can say and think what you want about me dickhead but at the end of the day when all is said and done the one thing I will prove above and beyond anything else that while my face is the one painted you are the one who is the PHUCKING CLOWN…Which will be a notion that left hooks your phucking brain the moment after the bell rings and the announcer officially informs the EPW universe that on that night Je$TyR SeRyOu$ made DoNNIe HARRIS
!!!!!SoaK!!!!!!
!!!!!SoMe!!!!!!
!!!!!!!UP!!!!!!!!
…AND BOY OH BOY AM I GUNNA F’N LAUGH MY ASS OFF!!!!
And if you don’t wanna take my word for it…WATCH THIS DILDO!!!!
Jestyr then walks behind the casket puts his foot on it and gives it a VIOLENT F’N SHOVE. It topples over and shatters into pieces as the wood and gravity have their typical disagreement! Once the books shatters open we see a movie quality Donnie Harris deadbody. It looks JUST F’N LIKE HIM. BUt Jestyr walks over grabs his face and paints a sad clown face with tears and everything as he drags him over to the shallow grave he promised to bury him in and then tosses him inside. He then walks over to his actual weapon of CHOICE. A black shovel with WHITE HA HA’s painted all over it and then he slams it into the ground and kicks up the dirt and as the scene switches to inside the grave we see the CLOWN toss the dirt ontop of this metaphorical Donnie Harris fading out to the mad loony laughter of the MOST SeRyOU$ man in ELEVATE PRO WRESTLING once again leaving you with the simple notion that this time like all the otherz…
HaS BeeN YoUR PLea$uRe!!!!
4:19
GoT
-A-
??MiNuTe??