Post by Stevie Satisfaction on Aug 20, 2024 21:28:47 GMT -5
Darkness.
But not in a gothic way, more like the camera hasn’t started rolling yet sort of way. There’s also some heavy breathing, but not in a creepy stalker way, more like that a person is just out of breath from running a marathon. Oh you get it by now, it’s dark and someone’s gasping for breath.
“Cameraman Curt… start rolling.”
Sure enough the person that is doubled over gasping for breath is none other than Stevie Satisfaction. And the reason that is his out of breath is because he’s backstage just after leaving the entire Richmond crowd is total satisfaction. Stevie is covered with sweat and blood, it’s just everywhere, even the fresh clean towel he was just handed is already covered in sweat and blood. Stevie does his best to catch his breath long enough to get a word in.
“This is what I’ve been telling you all… tonight in that ring, in that cage, I showed you all why I’m the greatest wrestler this company has to offer. Tonight in that cage, I took everything that Shawn Savage could give and yet here I stand, covered in blood, but also covered in glory. And that crowd out there? That crowd is now dripping in satisfaction.
So good luck to the rest of you out there tonight, because no matter what you do in that ring… just know you’re getting my sloppy seconds!”
Stevie stands up, still huffing and puffing but now doing into the towel he has covered his face with. It’s at that moment that Cameraman Curt taps Stevie on his shoulder which gets Stevie to remove the towel from his face. Curt then points over to one of the backstage monitors where the show is still going on. Stevie heads over to see the owner of EPW, Britlyn Baylor already in the ring and with a smile on her face as she announces.
"Because in one of the tournament matches–the winner of whom will face John Blaze–we’ll see a clash of styles, a battle between darkness and satisfaction—Goth versus Stevie Satisfaction!"
As the ripple of excitement goes through the crowd, Stevie begins to stomp his feet and scream in anger towards the TV. For therapeutic reasons he covers his face in the towel once again and screams at the top of his lungs for good measure. He begins to throw a temper tantrum of pure sputtering non-sense.
“What?
A tournament!?
Why!?
For me!?
That’s it, I’m going to…”
By now, Brit has made her way out of the ring and we’ve already gone to commercial. Stevie spikes his bloody towel on the ground and begins to march through the backstage area like Spinal Tap trying to find the stage. Around almost every single one he continues to yell something loudly and incoherently, that is until he finally finds the boss’s office and pushes the doors open.
Waving a finger, Stevie says a couple of unintelligible things out loud. You know, when you get so mad fifty words come out as only three or four. But the finger point is all that the boss needs to see as she completely ignores the guttural nonsense he spews.
“Oh no, no… no. You don’t barge into my office and point your finger in my general direction here Stevie. Are you mad that I didn’t just hand you a title match? Tough, the fact is you’ve been here for about a month and you should be grateful that you were even considered for the tournament to begin with.
So, the next words out of your mouth better show me some gratitude for putting you into the tournament and then an apology for barging into my office. And if the next words are anything else than that, well… I do everything in my power to knock you down to the five hundredth ranked Stevie.
Do I make myself perfectly clear?”
Stevie stands there in silence, possibly weighing over his actions and choosing the correct words or he’s about to find himself putting in job applications somewhere else. He swallows his pride and nods in agreement.
“I was out of line, I apologize. I’ll be going now.”
And just like that Stevie backs out of the office and closes the door behind him. He’s not happy, he’s still pissed and he stomps his feet like a five year old who hasn’t gotten his way. We fade to black as Stevie begins to take his tantrum towards catering.
Maybe a week has passed since Stevie had his temper tantrum and meltdown, by now he has had the time to reflect on what happened to set him off and worked on ways to find the positive meaning in all of it. You’re not buying it? You’re right, as the camera fades in, Stevie Satisfaction is still throwing his temper tantrum, however this time he appears to be the garage to his house which is a makeshift home gym. Cameraman Curt is already rolling as Stevie throws one of his dumbbells across the garage hitting the wall and leaving a bit of a dent in the process. Stevie throws himself down onto his bench and tries to calm himself down somewhat.
“You know what? No… you know what?
No, I do not actually apologize. Stevie Satisfaction should not be forced to fight in some tournament in order to earn a world title shot. Because Stevie Satisfaction has already earned his shot at the world heavyweight title! And I bet you’re now saying, ‘but Stevie, why do you think that?’ in probably an incredibly whiny voice. Well, let me enlighten you all… had it not been for Shawn Savage who spit his White Claw in my face I would have won the Revival ladder match.
And trust me, unlike Scotty Thorne, I would have already cashed in that shot at the world championship by now. Because, just like the name says, I’m nothing but action. I took out Morbid Wolf, easily. Thus getting my shot at vengeance against Shawn Savage, and while I didn’t spit anything back into that redneck’s face, I did spill enough of both his blood and my blood in the greatest cage match in EPW history that I got my pound of flesh. I stood tall in victory over Savage and in doing so, I undid what went wrong at Revival, I climbed the proverbial ladder and I took what was and is now mine.
A world title shot.
That’s what it should be, that’s the only way it should be! But it’s not, is it? Instead we live in a reality where you’re all stuck with Donnie Harris as the world champion and I’m stuck jumping through hoop after hoop after hoop. Because that’s all that this tournament is to me, another hoop to be jumped through. And sure enough I will jump through it leaving you all in satisfaction once again.”
Stevie picks up another one of the dumbbells near his feet as he stands up and tosses it to the other side of the garage. However, this time the dumbbell does not just hit the wall of his garage but instead hits a cardboard cutout poster of his next opponent, Goth. In fact, the dumbbell hits the cutout Goth right in the yam bag. Stevie is forced to head over and pick the cutout back up.
“So… I guess that brings me to you Goth. A man who got into this world championship tournament to face off against me because he… let me check my notes, lost to the world champion. Lost to the world champion and gets right back into the mix, huh? That's just great, way to fail upwards there Goth. So, losing to the world champion gets you on the same footing as me? Is that the message we’re sending to kids these days EPW? Lose and you’ll still get rewarded.
But, I’m sure Goth can say he earned a second chance, but let’s not forget that he only got his shot against the world champion because he beat Shawn Savage. Are you kidding me right now? This man isn’t on my level, but yet here we are pretending that he is by granting him a match against me! Jesus.
No, no don’t get me wrong I’m not saying Jesus in regards to Goth. He might claim to be the Messiah of Pain, but me? I’m the real Messiah, the Messiah of Satisfaction. I’m the one that people want to see, I’m the rocket ship headed to the top while you Goth are simply the rock sinking to the bottom. I’m going to let you in on a little secret Goth, you’ve become the unfortunate target of Stevie Satisfaction. Under any normal circumstance I would have reached across and offered you a hand shake at the start of our match, but I can’t afford to do that now. No, now I’m going to have to show the front office the sizable mistake that they have made by making me jump through another hoop. I’m going to take this anger of mine and release it through you. Messiah of Pain? I’m going to put that to the test.
By the way, did you dig the cutout? I walked off with it after the end of the last show. I’ve been using it as target practice while I wait to get my hands on the real thing. You had your chance, Goth. You’ve had way too many chances, is what I really mean. You are what was, I am what will be. You are old and busted, I’m the new hotness.”
Stevie points towards the cardboard cutout.
“Old and busted.”
And then points back towards himself.
“New hotness.
Stevie then stops and holds up a single finger as he looks over the cutout of Goth.
“However… I am going to agree with you about something Goth. Call it the shock of shocks, the new hotness is going to agree with the old man yelling at clouds. Britt Baylor needs to look up and down her roster in fear and terror, but not in order to protect Donnie Harris from you Goth. Britt Baylor needs to look up and down her roster to find people in order to protect Donnie Harris from me. I’m the Patrick Mahomes of this roster, I am the uncrowned dynasty just waiting in the wings. Donnie Harris? He’s Alex Smith. He’s the one who was handed the starting quarterback job because the front office didn’t know what they had landed in the draft. I’m only three matches into this, but already the fans know what’s going to happen. Once I get my shot, the dynasty is going to begin.
People like you Goth, people like Donnie Harris. They’ll bring you back one day and give that big old sad send off, and that ten bell salute to a respective but tame applause. But I’ll still be champion, I’ll still be the cornerstone of EPW when that happens.
Just put me in coach, I’m ready to play.”
With that there is a buzzing from offscreen, Stevie first looks at the cardboard cutout of Goth to see if someone is calling him and then realizes it’s his own phone. As Stevie goes to check out who is calling he gives a smile and nod, and then gives the cut signal to Cameraman Curt and the feed cuts out.
When the feed returns, we have a much more well dressed version of Stevie sitting in what looks to be an extremely fancy restaurant. He has an ear to ear grin and is making eyes with the unseen person across from him.
OUR-STEVIE: You know, I’ve got to be honest with you. I did not expect to get a call from you, sure the other Stevies were all over me about getting a hold of you, but I figured you weren’t really serious about being in the Secret Society of Stevies. But, I’m glad you did return that call…
The camera pans over towards the person sitting across from Stevie, sure enough it’s the female Stevie and she’s dressed to kill. She’s got a smile on her face as she sips from her wine glass. Oh no! Run Stevie, run!
SHE-STEVIE: Well, we’re being perfectly honest I wasn’t going to ever come back to the Stevie Lair… that basement smelled funny. But then I remember we had such a good time, and the other Stevies were giving me such a high ranking off the bat. I figured, what the hell. By the way, have you climbed up in the rankings?
Our Stevie looks a little annoyed at that question. She was there when he was given a ranking in the four hundreds, so she knows it's a sore spot.
OUR-STEVIE: Yeah, I’ve actually moved up to three hundred and thirteen. Seems like a bunch of Stevies are going missing or have unsubscribed to the email list. I think I should be moving up here again shortly. Lots of national television exposure recently and there aren’t many Stevies doing that right now.
SHE-STEVIE: How was the chili cook off?
Our Stevie rolls his eyes.
OUR-STEVIE: Not bad, pretty good chili and I didn’t have to learn anyone’s name. Oh, one of the Stevies brought their mom or girlfriend, her name was Janet. Maybe.
The two of them share a laugh. Our Stevie is distracted by something else that is happening in the restaurant and in that moment she Stevie grabs his spoon from his side of the table and hides in her purse sitting on the table.
SHE-STEVIE: Oops, I think you knocked your spoon to the floor there.
Our Stevie ducks under to find the spoon, this gives she Stevie the chance to drop a couple of pills into the wine glass of our Stevie. She gives it a quick stir and places the glass close to Stevie. Our Stevie returns from his search for the missing spoon with a confused look and shrug.
SHE-STEVIE: Well, I guess you’ll have to skip the soup course. How about a toast though? To the both of us moving up the rankings.
She Stevie holds up the wine glass, but as our Stevie goes to pick his up he instead opts for the glass of water leaving she Stevie with a confused look on her face.
SHE-STEVIE: What, no wine?
She Stevie gives a fake laugh hoping that our Stevie made an honest mistake.
OUR-STEVIE: Oh no, I don’t actually drink. I tried telling that to the waiter, but he only speaks French or something. I’m on a strict calorie diet, and can't afford to drink them. But, here’s to our future rankings.
The two clank glasses and drink, She Stevie turns to the side and mouths “FUCK” in annoyance as she makes a motion to some of the other guests. What fate awaits our Stevie? You’ll just have to wait and find out. We fade to black.
But not in a gothic way, more like the camera hasn’t started rolling yet sort of way. There’s also some heavy breathing, but not in a creepy stalker way, more like that a person is just out of breath from running a marathon. Oh you get it by now, it’s dark and someone’s gasping for breath.
“Cameraman Curt… start rolling.”
Sure enough the person that is doubled over gasping for breath is none other than Stevie Satisfaction. And the reason that is his out of breath is because he’s backstage just after leaving the entire Richmond crowd is total satisfaction. Stevie is covered with sweat and blood, it’s just everywhere, even the fresh clean towel he was just handed is already covered in sweat and blood. Stevie does his best to catch his breath long enough to get a word in.
“This is what I’ve been telling you all… tonight in that ring, in that cage, I showed you all why I’m the greatest wrestler this company has to offer. Tonight in that cage, I took everything that Shawn Savage could give and yet here I stand, covered in blood, but also covered in glory. And that crowd out there? That crowd is now dripping in satisfaction.
So good luck to the rest of you out there tonight, because no matter what you do in that ring… just know you’re getting my sloppy seconds!”
Stevie stands up, still huffing and puffing but now doing into the towel he has covered his face with. It’s at that moment that Cameraman Curt taps Stevie on his shoulder which gets Stevie to remove the towel from his face. Curt then points over to one of the backstage monitors where the show is still going on. Stevie heads over to see the owner of EPW, Britlyn Baylor already in the ring and with a smile on her face as she announces.
"Because in one of the tournament matches–the winner of whom will face John Blaze–we’ll see a clash of styles, a battle between darkness and satisfaction—Goth versus Stevie Satisfaction!"
As the ripple of excitement goes through the crowd, Stevie begins to stomp his feet and scream in anger towards the TV. For therapeutic reasons he covers his face in the towel once again and screams at the top of his lungs for good measure. He begins to throw a temper tantrum of pure sputtering non-sense.
“What?
A tournament!?
Why!?
For me!?
That’s it, I’m going to…”
By now, Brit has made her way out of the ring and we’ve already gone to commercial. Stevie spikes his bloody towel on the ground and begins to march through the backstage area like Spinal Tap trying to find the stage. Around almost every single one he continues to yell something loudly and incoherently, that is until he finally finds the boss’s office and pushes the doors open.
Waving a finger, Stevie says a couple of unintelligible things out loud. You know, when you get so mad fifty words come out as only three or four. But the finger point is all that the boss needs to see as she completely ignores the guttural nonsense he spews.
“Oh no, no… no. You don’t barge into my office and point your finger in my general direction here Stevie. Are you mad that I didn’t just hand you a title match? Tough, the fact is you’ve been here for about a month and you should be grateful that you were even considered for the tournament to begin with.
So, the next words out of your mouth better show me some gratitude for putting you into the tournament and then an apology for barging into my office. And if the next words are anything else than that, well… I do everything in my power to knock you down to the five hundredth ranked Stevie.
Do I make myself perfectly clear?”
Stevie stands there in silence, possibly weighing over his actions and choosing the correct words or he’s about to find himself putting in job applications somewhere else. He swallows his pride and nods in agreement.
“I was out of line, I apologize. I’ll be going now.”
And just like that Stevie backs out of the office and closes the door behind him. He’s not happy, he’s still pissed and he stomps his feet like a five year old who hasn’t gotten his way. We fade to black as Stevie begins to take his tantrum towards catering.
Maybe a week has passed since Stevie had his temper tantrum and meltdown, by now he has had the time to reflect on what happened to set him off and worked on ways to find the positive meaning in all of it. You’re not buying it? You’re right, as the camera fades in, Stevie Satisfaction is still throwing his temper tantrum, however this time he appears to be the garage to his house which is a makeshift home gym. Cameraman Curt is already rolling as Stevie throws one of his dumbbells across the garage hitting the wall and leaving a bit of a dent in the process. Stevie throws himself down onto his bench and tries to calm himself down somewhat.
“You know what? No… you know what?
No, I do not actually apologize. Stevie Satisfaction should not be forced to fight in some tournament in order to earn a world title shot. Because Stevie Satisfaction has already earned his shot at the world heavyweight title! And I bet you’re now saying, ‘but Stevie, why do you think that?’ in probably an incredibly whiny voice. Well, let me enlighten you all… had it not been for Shawn Savage who spit his White Claw in my face I would have won the Revival ladder match.
And trust me, unlike Scotty Thorne, I would have already cashed in that shot at the world championship by now. Because, just like the name says, I’m nothing but action. I took out Morbid Wolf, easily. Thus getting my shot at vengeance against Shawn Savage, and while I didn’t spit anything back into that redneck’s face, I did spill enough of both his blood and my blood in the greatest cage match in EPW history that I got my pound of flesh. I stood tall in victory over Savage and in doing so, I undid what went wrong at Revival, I climbed the proverbial ladder and I took what was and is now mine.
A world title shot.
That’s what it should be, that’s the only way it should be! But it’s not, is it? Instead we live in a reality where you’re all stuck with Donnie Harris as the world champion and I’m stuck jumping through hoop after hoop after hoop. Because that’s all that this tournament is to me, another hoop to be jumped through. And sure enough I will jump through it leaving you all in satisfaction once again.”
Stevie picks up another one of the dumbbells near his feet as he stands up and tosses it to the other side of the garage. However, this time the dumbbell does not just hit the wall of his garage but instead hits a cardboard cutout poster of his next opponent, Goth. In fact, the dumbbell hits the cutout Goth right in the yam bag. Stevie is forced to head over and pick the cutout back up.
“So… I guess that brings me to you Goth. A man who got into this world championship tournament to face off against me because he… let me check my notes, lost to the world champion. Lost to the world champion and gets right back into the mix, huh? That's just great, way to fail upwards there Goth. So, losing to the world champion gets you on the same footing as me? Is that the message we’re sending to kids these days EPW? Lose and you’ll still get rewarded.
But, I’m sure Goth can say he earned a second chance, but let’s not forget that he only got his shot against the world champion because he beat Shawn Savage. Are you kidding me right now? This man isn’t on my level, but yet here we are pretending that he is by granting him a match against me! Jesus.
No, no don’t get me wrong I’m not saying Jesus in regards to Goth. He might claim to be the Messiah of Pain, but me? I’m the real Messiah, the Messiah of Satisfaction. I’m the one that people want to see, I’m the rocket ship headed to the top while you Goth are simply the rock sinking to the bottom. I’m going to let you in on a little secret Goth, you’ve become the unfortunate target of Stevie Satisfaction. Under any normal circumstance I would have reached across and offered you a hand shake at the start of our match, but I can’t afford to do that now. No, now I’m going to have to show the front office the sizable mistake that they have made by making me jump through another hoop. I’m going to take this anger of mine and release it through you. Messiah of Pain? I’m going to put that to the test.
By the way, did you dig the cutout? I walked off with it after the end of the last show. I’ve been using it as target practice while I wait to get my hands on the real thing. You had your chance, Goth. You’ve had way too many chances, is what I really mean. You are what was, I am what will be. You are old and busted, I’m the new hotness.”
Stevie points towards the cardboard cutout.
“Old and busted.”
And then points back towards himself.
“New hotness.
Stevie then stops and holds up a single finger as he looks over the cutout of Goth.
“However… I am going to agree with you about something Goth. Call it the shock of shocks, the new hotness is going to agree with the old man yelling at clouds. Britt Baylor needs to look up and down her roster in fear and terror, but not in order to protect Donnie Harris from you Goth. Britt Baylor needs to look up and down her roster to find people in order to protect Donnie Harris from me. I’m the Patrick Mahomes of this roster, I am the uncrowned dynasty just waiting in the wings. Donnie Harris? He’s Alex Smith. He’s the one who was handed the starting quarterback job because the front office didn’t know what they had landed in the draft. I’m only three matches into this, but already the fans know what’s going to happen. Once I get my shot, the dynasty is going to begin.
People like you Goth, people like Donnie Harris. They’ll bring you back one day and give that big old sad send off, and that ten bell salute to a respective but tame applause. But I’ll still be champion, I’ll still be the cornerstone of EPW when that happens.
Just put me in coach, I’m ready to play.”
With that there is a buzzing from offscreen, Stevie first looks at the cardboard cutout of Goth to see if someone is calling him and then realizes it’s his own phone. As Stevie goes to check out who is calling he gives a smile and nod, and then gives the cut signal to Cameraman Curt and the feed cuts out.
When the feed returns, we have a much more well dressed version of Stevie sitting in what looks to be an extremely fancy restaurant. He has an ear to ear grin and is making eyes with the unseen person across from him.
OUR-STEVIE: You know, I’ve got to be honest with you. I did not expect to get a call from you, sure the other Stevies were all over me about getting a hold of you, but I figured you weren’t really serious about being in the Secret Society of Stevies. But, I’m glad you did return that call…
The camera pans over towards the person sitting across from Stevie, sure enough it’s the female Stevie and she’s dressed to kill. She’s got a smile on her face as she sips from her wine glass. Oh no! Run Stevie, run!
SHE-STEVIE: Well, we’re being perfectly honest I wasn’t going to ever come back to the Stevie Lair… that basement smelled funny. But then I remember we had such a good time, and the other Stevies were giving me such a high ranking off the bat. I figured, what the hell. By the way, have you climbed up in the rankings?
Our Stevie looks a little annoyed at that question. She was there when he was given a ranking in the four hundreds, so she knows it's a sore spot.
OUR-STEVIE: Yeah, I’ve actually moved up to three hundred and thirteen. Seems like a bunch of Stevies are going missing or have unsubscribed to the email list. I think I should be moving up here again shortly. Lots of national television exposure recently and there aren’t many Stevies doing that right now.
SHE-STEVIE: How was the chili cook off?
Our Stevie rolls his eyes.
OUR-STEVIE: Not bad, pretty good chili and I didn’t have to learn anyone’s name. Oh, one of the Stevies brought their mom or girlfriend, her name was Janet. Maybe.
The two of them share a laugh. Our Stevie is distracted by something else that is happening in the restaurant and in that moment she Stevie grabs his spoon from his side of the table and hides in her purse sitting on the table.
SHE-STEVIE: Oops, I think you knocked your spoon to the floor there.
Our Stevie ducks under to find the spoon, this gives she Stevie the chance to drop a couple of pills into the wine glass of our Stevie. She gives it a quick stir and places the glass close to Stevie. Our Stevie returns from his search for the missing spoon with a confused look and shrug.
SHE-STEVIE: Well, I guess you’ll have to skip the soup course. How about a toast though? To the both of us moving up the rankings.
She Stevie holds up the wine glass, but as our Stevie goes to pick his up he instead opts for the glass of water leaving she Stevie with a confused look on her face.
SHE-STEVIE: What, no wine?
She Stevie gives a fake laugh hoping that our Stevie made an honest mistake.
OUR-STEVIE: Oh no, I don’t actually drink. I tried telling that to the waiter, but he only speaks French or something. I’m on a strict calorie diet, and can't afford to drink them. But, here’s to our future rankings.
The two clank glasses and drink, She Stevie turns to the side and mouths “FUCK” in annoyance as she makes a motion to some of the other guests. What fate awaits our Stevie? You’ll just have to wait and find out. We fade to black.