Post by Stevie Satisfaction on Sept 21, 2024 23:18:30 GMT -5
In the dark there is a single note being played.
Oh shit, is this one of those musical tribute videos? I love these.
Yes, it totally is and the song they’re using is the Linkin Park song ‘In the End’. So just sit back and relax as that single note being played slowly begins to expand into something a lot more. And here comes the opening lyrics and the first scene, hold onto your butts.
And that one thing? That one thing is the night of July 14th, 2024 as the clip from Revival plays showing the moment that ‘Nothing But Action’ Stevie Satisfaction’s injustices all began. That is when a large amount of White Claw is shown being spit right into his face and Stevie letting go of the ladder hitting the canvas and ending his bid to become Revival champion. The song continues to play throughout this clip, taking us to the next back of lyrics and the next injustice.
That next clip is of Stevie hitting the ‘Leavin’ them Satisfied’ onto Morbid Wolf due to the distraction from the man who won the Revival championship, Scotty Thorne. How is this exactly an injustice? Because Stevie was not able to secure a clean win against an opponent like Morbid Wolf, and though he slammed his head to the mat, Stevie didn’t finish him off. Again the song continues to play throughout this clip and the next clip. That one being the cage match that Stevie faced off against Mr. White Claw himself, Shawn Savage, Stevie is tossed into the cage head first multiple times and the final shot is of Stevie collapsing on the outside of the ring from blood loss and exhaustion. The injustice here being that once again there was no title on the line.
In fact, the clip of Stevie collapsing is played over and over again in super slow motion to really beat home the fact that Stevie is killing himself over and over again. For the first time ever, the backstage aftermath footage of this epic match is shown, Stevie has an oxygen tank over his mouth as medical staff carry him from under each arm and drag him down the backstage hallway towards hopefully somewhere where there’s a doctor.
In this clip, Stevie is getting tossed around the ring from the veteran Goth. Goth shows his vicious side as Stevie bumps about the ring like a madman just taking punishment from the Messiah of Pain. Stevie, however, is able to once again withstand all the damage and is able to defeat an opponent with his finisher. In the background the crowd erupts as Stevie has his arm raised in victory by the referee. Once again, no title belt is being handed over to the best wrestler on the roster. More unseen footage is seen as Stevie ducks behind the curtain and his smile fades quickly as he grabs his ribs and looks to be in a tremendous amount of pain.
This time the previously unseen footage was taken before Stevie steps out into the entrance ramp, one less chug of a water as he lifts his arms into the air as a member of the EPW staff removes the bandages and tape from his ribs. Stevie takes a deep breath, which looks like it hurts, and he puts on a smile as he steps through the curtains to take on John Blaze. During the match clips that follow, John Blaze nails those same ribs with kicks, drives Stevie into the corner turnbuckle and leaves Stevie gasping for air in a rear naked choke. Stevie eventually ends up winning, but holds his ribs in pain as the referee lifts up his arm in victory. The injustice here? You guessed it, no title belt for Stevie.
As the song begins to fade away with the last bit of lyrics ringing out, Stevie is seen one last time in a slumped position in the locker room with his ribs taped up and covered with bags of ice, his eye blackened and a trickle of blood streaming down his cheek. And still, no World Heavyweight Championship title on his lap. He lets out a deep sigh as the clip fades to black and into the logo that reads.
And that same exact logo appears to have found its way onto a t-shirt that Stevie Satisfaction is wearing for you all now. He looks a little pleased with himself as he stretches out the logo between his hands admiring the craftsmanship of his new shirt upside down. After a longing gaze Stevie looks up and is a bit surprised.
“Oh, you’ve already started recording Curt?”
Cameraman Curt nods with the camera as Stevie looks to be proud of the fact that he’s trained his cameraman well. Stevie holds up the ‘gimme one second’ sign and reaches down as he scoops up something with his hands.
“Since we’re already rolling, might as well give you the good news here Curt. I got you your very own ‘And Justice for Stevie’ t-shirts as well. I know you’ve been admiring mine since I first put it on a couple of days ago, and so I got you one… but wait, there’s more! I also got one for your wife, and a couple of more for your kids.
Look at that, a family of Stevie-holics all wearing the greatest merch to ever come out of professional wrestling. You and the family are going to be ahead of the curve because these babies are going to be sold out from sea to shining sea. This is going to be the hottest of the hot ticket items selling in Madison Square Garden at the next Danger and then nuclear meltdown heat levels of hot when I’m finally where I belong, in the main event in Boston!
But… don’t let me catch you trying to eBay them.”
Stevie points directly at the camera where Cameraman Curt is always stationed as he flips the small pile of t-shirts over the shoulder of the unseen man. Stevie takes a moment pacing back and forth a little bit as there seems to be something on his mind.
“And speaking of getting justice for Stevie, we’re almost there everyone. We have almost reached the point that had it not been for the blatant cheap attack of White Claw to the face at Revival or before the longest World Title tournament suddenly appeared we would have naturally should have been at… me getting a World Title shot. That’s right, just one more match and I will be in the main event standing across from the EPW World Heavyweight Champion.
Holy shit, just thinking about that moment has got me… well, nearly satisfied. If you know what I mean, and don’t pan down right now Curt.
Just one more damn match sits between me and my destiny. And I know what you’re thinking right now Stevie-holics, but what if Brit Baylor does happen to schedule the two man sack races immediately after Danger goes off the air?
Well, I’m going to win that too. I’ll be pissed off, sure, but I’m going to win that too. There’s nothing stopping me from finally getting the justice that I so deserve and I don’t think there’s a god above who would be crazy enough to deny me that justice. Because if the Almighty himself were to step into my path before I was able to stand across the ring from Donnie Harris, well I’d make God my bitch. Yeah, I’d make the Lord above a bottom. Like I said, nothing is going to stop me now.
Nothing.”
Did he just threaten to make God a bottom? That’s probably not going to look good on the resume when it comes to the end. Maybe some good deeds between now and judgment day are going to need to get done for that one.
“Oh… one of you there watching actually was thinking that Morbid Wolf was going to be the one to finally stop me. Yeah, yeah you were probably buying into that whole thing where Morbid Wolf was the main character of this whole story and this was his redemption arc. You probably read that on the internet or somewhere on social media. But here’s the thing, and I want you to bring the camera really close in right now Curt, so that one person specifically can hear this.”
Stevie motions with both hands for the camera to move, and sure enough it gets close enough for everyone at home to catch a glimpse of Stevie’s wild nose hairs. Don’t you worry, he’s getting those trimmed before the next show along with a new haircut. In fact, Stevie’s got an appointment with one of those Turkish Master Barbers that really put their clients through the ringer that you see on YouTube all the time… oh wait Stevie was going to say something.
“Ready?
You need to get the fuck off the internet buddy, Morbid Wolf isn’t even close to the main character of this story he barely has background character energy. There’s not going to be a redemption arc for him now or ever in the future. This is the end of his run, because he’s running into me. So to that one person out there, you know who you are, I want you to ball your hand up into a fist and punch yourself as hard as possible in either your yam bag or your beef curtains! Either way, make sure that you do some permanent damage to your baby maker parts so that you do not burden society with any possible offspring.
Got it? Good.
Now that we got rid of one of the smooth brains watching this, let’s deal with the other. Let’s talk directly to Morbid Wolf himself. Good lord, did they just let anyone into this World Title Tournament? Yikes. But, I’m getting ahead of myself already… let’s slow it down because here we go again.
I’m about to drop some insults in your direction and then you’ll end up running to the legal team or something like that. I’ll get to hit on that hot blonde in HR again.
This is so us.
I don’t know how you did it, smoke and mirrors, payoffs or some dumbass luck but here you are in the finals standing across the ring from me. You’re the last stop before I reach my destiny. Because that is what this is all about, my destiny. This isn’t about you and your Minecraft server buddies finally getting to claim a real win in life. Oh, did I break some legal thing or something by defaming your character there? Come on, you can try to fool the fourteen year old boys on the server but we know that whole lawsuit and that lawyer was as fake as your tough guy name. The only thing real about that was all the cringe we all felt. Hell, they might as well crown you the EPW World Champion of Cringe since even I tapped out from that.”
With that, Stevie gives a mock ‘tapping out’ motion towards the camera.
“But that’s happening in a whole other reality. Let’s bring this back to this reality, Dave. You might be thinking that since last time you hung with me in the ring that this time you’ll be able to do the same. And yeah, I’ll admit it, you're not that bad for a deathmatch guy. But that was then, and there is so much more at stake now.
So, let me explain what is going to happen when my destiny is the true reality of the world. Our upcoming match might start off looking like our first match, and it’s still going to end the same way too, me dropping you on your melon sized head dead center in the ring. But, it’s the filling between the bread that’s going to be a little bit different this time. See, I’m going to try and save myself a little extra gas in the tank for the pay-per-view, so I’m going to try and toy around with you less in that ring. I just wanted you to know that up front so there are no hard feelings when I don’t drag you into having an instant Stevie-Danger-classic match. By the way, my last four matches are all contenders for match of the year this year, so I’m going to be breaking my own streak here.
But don’t you worry, you’ll be back to wrestling in those deathmatch wrestling matches you’re well known for soon enough. And that’s your level, that’s where you belong. Wrestling in those flaming chainsaw on a pole or insert objects into your anus matches that for those twenty or so fans that love that.
Has Slayer contacted you yet about not using their music yet? I’m sure they’ll be in contact with you soon. This time, it’ll be real lawyers and a real lawsuit.”
That’ll get a big ole’ Stevie-wink from the man and that is going to signal Cameraman Curt to go ahead and stop rolling footage.
From the black we get the sounds of hustle and bustle from a busy street. Sure enough stepping out from a door is a well groomed looking Stevie Satisfaction. Just like we hinted to earlier, he had an appointment at a Turkish Master Barber and he certainly looks like he’s leaving that store now. Stevie stops and reaches into his jacket pocket pulling out his buzzing phone, due to the magic of editing we are privy to both ends of the phone call.
OUR-STEVIE: It’s Stevie, go.
OTHER-STEVIE: Stevie. It’s Stevie Prime. Are you sure you’re ready for this? Are you sure you’re ready to get involved in the war? If you’re not, no worries this is going to be a big commitment. However, if you are ready--
OUR-STEVIE: Oh, I’m ready for this. Just tell me what I have to do.
OTHER-STEVIE: Alright, Stevie. Or should I say, Stevie number two hundred forty three. Your target is just a block away from where you currently are at. He should be there, but make sure you check his name before you do what you need to do. There will be a van pulling around the corner that will get you out of there, just in case you're being followed.
OUR-STEVIE: Easy stuff.
OTHER-STEVIE: Thanks, and Stevie… time to get some justice for what they did to you. Welcome to the war.
With that the phone call ends and Stevie begins to walk with purpose down the street. He eventually walks in front of a hot dog cart near the corner of this busy street, creeping up on the side of the road is one of those van whites that you should never get in if you’re a kid. You know what I mean. Either way, Stevie stops at the hot dog cart and steps up.
OUR-STEVIE: Hey man, don’t I know you? Aren’t you Alan?
HOTDOG-ALAN: Yeah that’s me, I'm sorry where do I know you from?
OUR-STEVIE: Oh, from the war.
And with that, Stevie hits a monster of a superkick right to the side of the chin of the hot dog vendor. The dude crumbles to the ground with a hot dog ready to serve in each hand, the people walking by scatter as they see this. Stevie, however, doesn’t run but instead gets into the guy’s face and ad-libs his favorite line from that movie ‘Tombstone.’
OUR-STEVIE: You all picked the wrong Stevie to mess with. All right, Alan... you called down the thunder, well now you've got it! You tell the rest of the Alan’s I’m coming, and hell’s coming with me! You hear? Hell’s coming with me!
And after he does that, Stevie gets up and charges off into the white van waiting for him as we fade to black. No, better yet, we fade to the logo you’re going to start seeing a whole lot at all of the upcoming EPW events. But hopefully not eBay.
Oh shit, is this one of those musical tribute videos? I love these.
Yes, it totally is and the song they’re using is the Linkin Park song ‘In the End’. So just sit back and relax as that single note being played slowly begins to expand into something a lot more. And here comes the opening lyrics and the first scene, hold onto your butts.
# It starts with…#
# One thing, I don’t know why. #
And that one thing? That one thing is the night of July 14th, 2024 as the clip from Revival plays showing the moment that ‘Nothing But Action’ Stevie Satisfaction’s injustices all began. That is when a large amount of White Claw is shown being spit right into his face and Stevie letting go of the ladder hitting the canvas and ending his bid to become Revival champion. The song continues to play throughout this clip, taking us to the next back of lyrics and the next injustice.
# All I know
# Time is a valuable thing #
# Watch it fly by as the pendulum swings #
That next clip is of Stevie hitting the ‘Leavin’ them Satisfied’ onto Morbid Wolf due to the distraction from the man who won the Revival championship, Scotty Thorne. How is this exactly an injustice? Because Stevie was not able to secure a clean win against an opponent like Morbid Wolf, and though he slammed his head to the mat, Stevie didn’t finish him off. Again the song continues to play throughout this clip and the next clip. That one being the cage match that Stevie faced off against Mr. White Claw himself, Shawn Savage, Stevie is tossed into the cage head first multiple times and the final shot is of Stevie collapsing on the outside of the ring from blood loss and exhaustion. The injustice here being that once again there was no title on the line.
# I kept everything inside #
# And even though I tried, it all fell apart #
In fact, the clip of Stevie collapsing is played over and over again in super slow motion to really beat home the fact that Stevie is killing himself over and over again. For the first time ever, the backstage aftermath footage of this epic match is shown, Stevie has an oxygen tank over his mouth as medical staff carry him from under each arm and drag him down the backstage hallway towards hopefully somewhere where there’s a doctor.
# I tried so hard and got so far #
# But in the end, it doesn't even matter #
# I had to fall to lose it all #
# But in the end, it doesn't even matter #
In this clip, Stevie is getting tossed around the ring from the veteran Goth. Goth shows his vicious side as Stevie bumps about the ring like a madman just taking punishment from the Messiah of Pain. Stevie, however, is able to once again withstand all the damage and is able to defeat an opponent with his finisher. In the background the crowd erupts as Stevie has his arm raised in victory by the referee. Once again, no title belt is being handed over to the best wrestler on the roster. More unseen footage is seen as Stevie ducks behind the curtain and his smile fades quickly as he grabs his ribs and looks to be in a tremendous amount of pain.
# Things aren't the way they were before #
# You wouldn't even recognize me anymore #
# Not that you knew me back then #
# But it all comes back to me in the end #
This time the previously unseen footage was taken before Stevie steps out into the entrance ramp, one less chug of a water as he lifts his arms into the air as a member of the EPW staff removes the bandages and tape from his ribs. Stevie takes a deep breath, which looks like it hurts, and he puts on a smile as he steps through the curtains to take on John Blaze. During the match clips that follow, John Blaze nails those same ribs with kicks, drives Stevie into the corner turnbuckle and leaves Stevie gasping for air in a rear naked choke. Stevie eventually ends up winning, but holds his ribs in pain as the referee lifts up his arm in victory. The injustice here? You guessed it, no title belt for Stevie.
# I tried so hard and got so far #
# But in the end, it doesn't even matter #
# I had to fall to lose it all #
# But in the end, it doesn't even matter #
As the song begins to fade away with the last bit of lyrics ringing out, Stevie is seen one last time in a slumped position in the locker room with his ribs taped up and covered with bags of ice, his eye blackened and a trickle of blood streaming down his cheek. And still, no World Heavyweight Championship title on his lap. He lets out a deep sigh as the clip fades to black and into the logo that reads.
“Oh, you’ve already started recording Curt?”
Cameraman Curt nods with the camera as Stevie looks to be proud of the fact that he’s trained his cameraman well. Stevie holds up the ‘gimme one second’ sign and reaches down as he scoops up something with his hands.
“Since we’re already rolling, might as well give you the good news here Curt. I got you your very own ‘And Justice for Stevie’ t-shirts as well. I know you’ve been admiring mine since I first put it on a couple of days ago, and so I got you one… but wait, there’s more! I also got one for your wife, and a couple of more for your kids.
Look at that, a family of Stevie-holics all wearing the greatest merch to ever come out of professional wrestling. You and the family are going to be ahead of the curve because these babies are going to be sold out from sea to shining sea. This is going to be the hottest of the hot ticket items selling in Madison Square Garden at the next Danger and then nuclear meltdown heat levels of hot when I’m finally where I belong, in the main event in Boston!
But… don’t let me catch you trying to eBay them.”
Stevie points directly at the camera where Cameraman Curt is always stationed as he flips the small pile of t-shirts over the shoulder of the unseen man. Stevie takes a moment pacing back and forth a little bit as there seems to be something on his mind.
“And speaking of getting justice for Stevie, we’re almost there everyone. We have almost reached the point that had it not been for the blatant cheap attack of White Claw to the face at Revival or before the longest World Title tournament suddenly appeared we would have naturally should have been at… me getting a World Title shot. That’s right, just one more match and I will be in the main event standing across from the EPW World Heavyweight Champion.
Holy shit, just thinking about that moment has got me… well, nearly satisfied. If you know what I mean, and don’t pan down right now Curt.
Just one more damn match sits between me and my destiny. And I know what you’re thinking right now Stevie-holics, but what if Brit Baylor does happen to schedule the two man sack races immediately after Danger goes off the air?
Well, I’m going to win that too. I’ll be pissed off, sure, but I’m going to win that too. There’s nothing stopping me from finally getting the justice that I so deserve and I don’t think there’s a god above who would be crazy enough to deny me that justice. Because if the Almighty himself were to step into my path before I was able to stand across the ring from Donnie Harris, well I’d make God my bitch. Yeah, I’d make the Lord above a bottom. Like I said, nothing is going to stop me now.
Nothing.”
Did he just threaten to make God a bottom? That’s probably not going to look good on the resume when it comes to the end. Maybe some good deeds between now and judgment day are going to need to get done for that one.
“Oh… one of you there watching actually was thinking that Morbid Wolf was going to be the one to finally stop me. Yeah, yeah you were probably buying into that whole thing where Morbid Wolf was the main character of this whole story and this was his redemption arc. You probably read that on the internet or somewhere on social media. But here’s the thing, and I want you to bring the camera really close in right now Curt, so that one person specifically can hear this.”
Stevie motions with both hands for the camera to move, and sure enough it gets close enough for everyone at home to catch a glimpse of Stevie’s wild nose hairs. Don’t you worry, he’s getting those trimmed before the next show along with a new haircut. In fact, Stevie’s got an appointment with one of those Turkish Master Barbers that really put their clients through the ringer that you see on YouTube all the time… oh wait Stevie was going to say something.
“Ready?
You need to get the fuck off the internet buddy, Morbid Wolf isn’t even close to the main character of this story he barely has background character energy. There’s not going to be a redemption arc for him now or ever in the future. This is the end of his run, because he’s running into me. So to that one person out there, you know who you are, I want you to ball your hand up into a fist and punch yourself as hard as possible in either your yam bag or your beef curtains! Either way, make sure that you do some permanent damage to your baby maker parts so that you do not burden society with any possible offspring.
Got it? Good.
Now that we got rid of one of the smooth brains watching this, let’s deal with the other. Let’s talk directly to Morbid Wolf himself. Good lord, did they just let anyone into this World Title Tournament? Yikes. But, I’m getting ahead of myself already… let’s slow it down because here we go again.
I’m about to drop some insults in your direction and then you’ll end up running to the legal team or something like that. I’ll get to hit on that hot blonde in HR again.
This is so us.
I don’t know how you did it, smoke and mirrors, payoffs or some dumbass luck but here you are in the finals standing across the ring from me. You’re the last stop before I reach my destiny. Because that is what this is all about, my destiny. This isn’t about you and your Minecraft server buddies finally getting to claim a real win in life. Oh, did I break some legal thing or something by defaming your character there? Come on, you can try to fool the fourteen year old boys on the server but we know that whole lawsuit and that lawyer was as fake as your tough guy name. The only thing real about that was all the cringe we all felt. Hell, they might as well crown you the EPW World Champion of Cringe since even I tapped out from that.”
With that, Stevie gives a mock ‘tapping out’ motion towards the camera.
“But that’s happening in a whole other reality. Let’s bring this back to this reality, Dave. You might be thinking that since last time you hung with me in the ring that this time you’ll be able to do the same. And yeah, I’ll admit it, you're not that bad for a deathmatch guy. But that was then, and there is so much more at stake now.
So, let me explain what is going to happen when my destiny is the true reality of the world. Our upcoming match might start off looking like our first match, and it’s still going to end the same way too, me dropping you on your melon sized head dead center in the ring. But, it’s the filling between the bread that’s going to be a little bit different this time. See, I’m going to try and save myself a little extra gas in the tank for the pay-per-view, so I’m going to try and toy around with you less in that ring. I just wanted you to know that up front so there are no hard feelings when I don’t drag you into having an instant Stevie-Danger-classic match. By the way, my last four matches are all contenders for match of the year this year, so I’m going to be breaking my own streak here.
But don’t you worry, you’ll be back to wrestling in those deathmatch wrestling matches you’re well known for soon enough. And that’s your level, that’s where you belong. Wrestling in those flaming chainsaw on a pole or insert objects into your anus matches that for those twenty or so fans that love that.
Has Slayer contacted you yet about not using their music yet? I’m sure they’ll be in contact with you soon. This time, it’ll be real lawyers and a real lawsuit.”
That’ll get a big ole’ Stevie-wink from the man and that is going to signal Cameraman Curt to go ahead and stop rolling footage.
From the black we get the sounds of hustle and bustle from a busy street. Sure enough stepping out from a door is a well groomed looking Stevie Satisfaction. Just like we hinted to earlier, he had an appointment at a Turkish Master Barber and he certainly looks like he’s leaving that store now. Stevie stops and reaches into his jacket pocket pulling out his buzzing phone, due to the magic of editing we are privy to both ends of the phone call.
OUR-STEVIE: It’s Stevie, go.
OTHER-STEVIE: Stevie. It’s Stevie Prime. Are you sure you’re ready for this? Are you sure you’re ready to get involved in the war? If you’re not, no worries this is going to be a big commitment. However, if you are ready--
OUR-STEVIE: Oh, I’m ready for this. Just tell me what I have to do.
OTHER-STEVIE: Alright, Stevie. Or should I say, Stevie number two hundred forty three. Your target is just a block away from where you currently are at. He should be there, but make sure you check his name before you do what you need to do. There will be a van pulling around the corner that will get you out of there, just in case you're being followed.
OUR-STEVIE: Easy stuff.
OTHER-STEVIE: Thanks, and Stevie… time to get some justice for what they did to you. Welcome to the war.
With that the phone call ends and Stevie begins to walk with purpose down the street. He eventually walks in front of a hot dog cart near the corner of this busy street, creeping up on the side of the road is one of those van whites that you should never get in if you’re a kid. You know what I mean. Either way, Stevie stops at the hot dog cart and steps up.
OUR-STEVIE: Hey man, don’t I know you? Aren’t you Alan?
HOTDOG-ALAN: Yeah that’s me, I'm sorry where do I know you from?
OUR-STEVIE: Oh, from the war.
And with that, Stevie hits a monster of a superkick right to the side of the chin of the hot dog vendor. The dude crumbles to the ground with a hot dog ready to serve in each hand, the people walking by scatter as they see this. Stevie, however, doesn’t run but instead gets into the guy’s face and ad-libs his favorite line from that movie ‘Tombstone.’
OUR-STEVIE: You all picked the wrong Stevie to mess with. All right, Alan... you called down the thunder, well now you've got it! You tell the rest of the Alan’s I’m coming, and hell’s coming with me! You hear? Hell’s coming with me!
And after he does that, Stevie gets up and charges off into the white van waiting for him as we fade to black. No, better yet, we fade to the logo you’re going to start seeing a whole lot at all of the upcoming EPW events. But hopefully not eBay.