Post by helpdesk on Oct 21, 2024 21:59:11 GMT -5
Hello! This is a prerecorded message from The Internal Relations Deparrment!
Our agent, Helpdesk,has been working very hard to be in the best shape he can possibly be on October 30, 2024! We have also ensured that all Canadian regulations for his contractual employment are fulfilled, and that there will be no problems for our agent as he crosses the border towards Toronto, Ontario!
Helpdesk is a very skilled technician, both in the office and in the squared circle. While we will not reveal any details about Helpdesk that could potentially reveal his identity, as that would be a violation of Internal Relations Department protocol; there are some things that we have been given clearance to disclose.
Helpdesk has participated in several mixed martial arts events, some of which were broadcast internationally and the streams still available for viewing on YouTube. His total professional MMA record stands at 6-2 with one win by knockout, two wins by submission, one by a judge's decision and two by unknown means as the footage is considered lost media. His last MMA fight resulted in his capturing of a world championship in the heavyweight division, footage of which is still available on the channel “globalcombatchampionships5745”.
Helpdesk had also competed In professional wrestling as well, although not to the same success. At some point, he had elected to leave the business in pursuit of a career that kept him close to home.
Eventually, he found his way into our offices. It took some time, but he developed the skills and mental reflexes to exceed all expectations in performing his duties. The same determination that led him to success previously had continued to do so.
In the office world, everything works on a very delicate balance. Sometimes, the simplest spike in bandwidth can prove fatal for an already overwhelmed server. Other times, a lapse in judgemental that allowed the expiration of licenses for critical software that is crucial to the operations of the company brings production and services to a complete halt. And once in a while, another anomaly that no contingency plan exists for occurs.
When these things happen, we call Helpdesk.
Helpdesk is the blanket term that is often used, but we have many names. Internal Relations, Customer Service. Troubleshooting. Consumer Support. All meaning the same thing: when things go wrong, you give us a call. If we can't solve the problem remotely, we will send an agent to resolve the issue.
And Helpdesk is the agent who always solves the issue. Someway, somehow, he always gets the job done no matter what the cost. He has proven himself worthy to be our first true field agent, given the leeway to come and go as he pleases to assist on whatever situation we may be called on to address.
Blake Anderson did not call for us, nor is he the subject of any of our current contracts. He may not know who Helpdesk is, nor may he even care. To him, this is just another newcomer. Mr. Anderson must take pride in his role as the head of security for the EPW locker room, for none shall truly be welcomed into the family as having proven themselves until they have stood up to him and lived to tell the tale.
But we must again remind you, Helpdesk is no ordinary newcomer to your roster. He is no stranger to the ring, or a fight. He does not back down from difficult problems. He doesn't sweat. He doesn't panic. He takes a deep breath, works the problem, and finds a solution.
Whoever he is when he isn't doing his job, that's not our concern. Our agents, Helpdesk in particular, are free to pursue their own path in life. But Helpdesk in particular has his own way of doing things, and we don't interfere with his methods.
They get results, as you'll see soon enough.
After Danger, if you wish to inquire our services we will be standing by to take your call.
Remember, we're here to help.
Our agent, Helpdesk,has been working very hard to be in the best shape he can possibly be on October 30, 2024! We have also ensured that all Canadian regulations for his contractual employment are fulfilled, and that there will be no problems for our agent as he crosses the border towards Toronto, Ontario!
Helpdesk is a very skilled technician, both in the office and in the squared circle. While we will not reveal any details about Helpdesk that could potentially reveal his identity, as that would be a violation of Internal Relations Department protocol; there are some things that we have been given clearance to disclose.
Helpdesk has participated in several mixed martial arts events, some of which were broadcast internationally and the streams still available for viewing on YouTube. His total professional MMA record stands at 6-2 with one win by knockout, two wins by submission, one by a judge's decision and two by unknown means as the footage is considered lost media. His last MMA fight resulted in his capturing of a world championship in the heavyweight division, footage of which is still available on the channel “globalcombatchampionships5745”.
Helpdesk had also competed In professional wrestling as well, although not to the same success. At some point, he had elected to leave the business in pursuit of a career that kept him close to home.
Eventually, he found his way into our offices. It took some time, but he developed the skills and mental reflexes to exceed all expectations in performing his duties. The same determination that led him to success previously had continued to do so.
In the office world, everything works on a very delicate balance. Sometimes, the simplest spike in bandwidth can prove fatal for an already overwhelmed server. Other times, a lapse in judgemental that allowed the expiration of licenses for critical software that is crucial to the operations of the company brings production and services to a complete halt. And once in a while, another anomaly that no contingency plan exists for occurs.
When these things happen, we call Helpdesk.
Helpdesk is the blanket term that is often used, but we have many names. Internal Relations, Customer Service. Troubleshooting. Consumer Support. All meaning the same thing: when things go wrong, you give us a call. If we can't solve the problem remotely, we will send an agent to resolve the issue.
And Helpdesk is the agent who always solves the issue. Someway, somehow, he always gets the job done no matter what the cost. He has proven himself worthy to be our first true field agent, given the leeway to come and go as he pleases to assist on whatever situation we may be called on to address.
Blake Anderson did not call for us, nor is he the subject of any of our current contracts. He may not know who Helpdesk is, nor may he even care. To him, this is just another newcomer. Mr. Anderson must take pride in his role as the head of security for the EPW locker room, for none shall truly be welcomed into the family as having proven themselves until they have stood up to him and lived to tell the tale.
But we must again remind you, Helpdesk is no ordinary newcomer to your roster. He is no stranger to the ring, or a fight. He does not back down from difficult problems. He doesn't sweat. He doesn't panic. He takes a deep breath, works the problem, and finds a solution.
Whoever he is when he isn't doing his job, that's not our concern. Our agents, Helpdesk in particular, are free to pursue their own path in life. But Helpdesk in particular has his own way of doing things, and we don't interfere with his methods.
They get results, as you'll see soon enough.
After Danger, if you wish to inquire our services we will be standing by to take your call.
Remember, we're here to help.
—
“Good afternoon, Helpdesk speaking.”
The webcam on Helpdesk’s laptop is recording, albeit at a low resolution. Much of the background is too blurry to be recognizable, but the form of Helpdesk in front of the desk is clear enough to be seen in detail.
“Just keeping kayfabe, old man. Hey, can you please keep an eye on your inbox?”
With his cell phone to his ear, Helpdesk leans down to make a couple of commands into his laptop. Standing back up, he disappears into the blur.
“Right now.”
Clanging of metal is heard, as the picture attempts to stabilize.
“How does it look? Can it actually pass for something professional?”
Helpdesk returns with some weight plates in his free hand, setting them down into the desk chair. Still talking on the phone to a voiceless party, only his end of the conversation is heard.
“Thank you! This is so simple. It really is. All I have to do is act like I'm still doing that old job I had, make sure I get a good pump when I work out, and go twist a couple people's necks sideways. Why does everything have to be so complicated?”
Helpdesk returns with a single hand bar, beginning to load the bar while holding the phone to his shoulder.
“Yeah, I'm not doing that. I watched that shit for years. Nobody cares about a bunch of personal life drama. They don't give two fucks who I really am. I'm out here mask off literally dropping clues like turds out of your dog's ass and they still couldn't care less.”
He twists the nut onto one end, loading a total of 15 pounds.
“They don't care! Yes, people want to see something that's real and not hokey fake bullshit….in the ring! Outside of the ring, it's whatever! Yeah yeah you're one of the office gremlins who we call when we forget our email password, whatever, just hit that flying clothesline nice and stiff.”
Another 15 is added to the adjacent side, bringing the total to 30 pounds.
“Exactly. I can hit the fuck out of people all night long. And after working at that god forsaken company for so long, I can act like a tech support geek. I don't have to do all of that stupid stuff anymore.”
Something said on the other line makes Helpdesk stop in his tracks, but only until he is able to reply.
“Yeah. Maybe that's for the best. He always wanted to over-do everything…I don't want to be the center of attention. I don't want to hog the spotlight. I just want to come in and do what I'm asked to do. That's it.”
The phone is placed on the desk, and speakerphone is activated. The voice on the other end can now be heard.
“And with that attitude you'll be right back where you were. Losing to everyone who had a name, a pulse and an entrance theme.”
Helpdesk extends the weight out, grabbing each end and bringing it behind his head with bent elbows.
“And if that happens, that's okay. My boy will have everything he needs, and most of what he wants. I don't need to be champion of six different feds to accomplish that.”
Slowly, Helpdesk extends his arms above his head, mouthing a silent five count before bringing it back down.
“No shit. There's not even six companies left who would pay you what you're worth. Just please listen to me and take it into consideration.”
Rep number two.
“I will. But I'm doing things my way this time.”
“Good. I was hoping you'd say that. Now I get to see who you really are, no outside influence.”
Rep number three.
“Be careful what you wish for. Y'all might get it.”
Rep number four.
“I expect no less. I love you, son.”
“Love you too, Dad.”
The call ends. Rep number five. Helpdesk is nowhere near failure on his set. The camera goes black.