Post by jestyrseryous on Oct 30, 2024 21:31:02 GMT -5
K so look, I know some of yas is gunna find this a lil
And not just because it is pretty much every female’s perfectly good excuse to dress and act as slutty as possible, it isn’t even the costumes nor the candy even though all of those are all enormous contributing factors in my book (specially that 1st one)! But no my fascination with this particular holiday is a little bit deeper than that, and perhaps a bit too deep for some of your shallow brains to comprehend but that’s never really stopped me before and it aint gunna
No I love ALL HaLLoWZ EVe, because it reminds me of my favorite occupation, no not smut peddling, no not running all the crime on the streets of New Orleans, but being a PRO WRESTLER! Because being a pro wrestler is a lot like HALLOWEEN, ONLy while there may be just as many sluts and there aint not nearly the amount of CANDY!...SO ya know
Its a bunch of bafoonz parading around in costumes pretending to be something they clearly are not, scary being chief among them most of the time. But the MAIN…THE REAL reason I love this HoL-e-DaY so got damn much is because for some of us…FOR
And again I know this aint breaking newz or nothin, but I have always fancied myself to be more of a
But I thought to myself..SELF it’s 2024 EVERYONE’s trying out new shit these days so ya know
TRICKS AND TREATZ! DOESN’T THAT SOUND LIKE FUN??? Well it’s gunna be…FOR ME ANYWAY HA HA HA HA!!!
SO THeRe MY WUZ! At the
Anxiously awaiting what would be my very first TRICK-OR-TREATERZ! Given my house was hands down the spookiest I’m not going to lie and say my expectations for this evening weren’t going to be high, but
ANd that much was made abundantly clear when the first little fist came rapping at my CHAMBER DOOR! I open it up and look around and don’t see shit. I kinda felt spooked myself, and so I went to slam the door but before I could swing the damn thing I heard the teeniest tiniest little
…TWiK oR TWEATTTTTT
SWEET BABY JEZUZ that almost scared the piss out of me, until I looked down and saw this little dood dressed up just like EPW super…UH NEWCOMER ERIK HOLLAND. ANd I mean this kid phuckin nailed it yall…CHEAP ASS COSTUME, even cheaper face paint, and he even came with a voice…
GRRRR I CAME HERE FOR BWOOD AND GUTS AND CANDY…
I was beside myself…SO I said the first thing that came to mind…THE FIRST TIME I LAID EYES ON ERIK HOLLAND
…WeLL AREN’T YOU F’N
?SiLLY!!!!!
Sorry I don’t mean to laugh, but I kinda do! Now look I know you asked for CANDY, but being who you are dressed as, as it turns out I have something let’s not say better..Let’s say a BIT MORE FITTING SHALL WE! WAIT RIGHT HERE!!!
I disappear behind the door and this kid, like ERIK doesn’t seem amused, which is odd because the real ERIK HOLLAND is amused by simple things like balls of string and the sound of his own voice, but eh
Anyway a few moments later I appear with four WALMART bags full to the brim with DIRT! THe kid looks up at me confused, and before he can ask, I decide to skip all that and just answer!
You seem confused LiL HoLLAND…WHY DIRT you wonder? Well if you make it to HaVoC that will make twice in the same week someone shoved your stupid ass in a
Because you can put a body in a casket all you want, but the job aint finished until he is six feet under, and well while you may get hungry while you are down there…We need the dirt more than you need the candy because we need to make sure your bitch ass stays down there and plus there aint no dentists down there so if you get a cavity while you are fighting for your final breathes that will be on me and quite frankly I don’t want that shit on my conscience! So happy HALLOWEEN, ohh and the fact that Mr. BLOOD AND GUTS gets buried twice in the same week is not just funny
HAHAHAHAHA…What?...That’s FUNNY?...NO…WELL THIS WAS
Yup that was the door! OK one down, I wonder if they are all gunna be like that?...
…Welp looks like we don’t gotta wait that long to find out! Open the door and glaring up at me is a miniature version of Stevie Satisfaction complete with a name tag that says 486th BEST STEVIE!! Now I know my smile is painted on but even this MOMO of a lil kid could see I was perplexed by his choice of costume, so instead of fixing my face I just kinda blurted out what everyone says when they see Stevie Satisfaction.
HEY THERE LIL GUY…You look…Uhhh
…No SeRyoU$Ly
I’m Stevie Sat
Ah BUP BUP BUP, lemme just stop you right there, cause I just remembered I don’t care! But don’t worry you don’t have to start talking, I mean it’s pretty obvious why you are here, cause DUH…I know you’ve got some kinda schtick but like I said No One CAREZ…WHat say we just get down to bitness huh? WAIT RIGHT HERE I HAVE THE PERFECT TREAT FOR YOU MY BOY!!!
So I disappear behind the door only for a moment because I had a feeling this might happen, and just like that I return and in my hand is a 50 pack of BLACK CAT firecrackers.
Now listen here LiL Stevie WHATEVER…This is some of the best candy on the MARKET MY FRIEND! SO whenever you feel like telling anyone else about who you are may I suggest popping a few because tween me and you KiDDo THEY LITERALLY
..or my personal FaV ANYWAY!!!
How foolish am I? WHat good are blackcats without a lighter? SO I dig around in my pockets and find my spare black bic and drop it in the bag, and then wam bam
…THE PHUCK OFF MY PORCH TWERP!!!!
JEEZ LoUi$e HOW do people do this shit all night these gooberz are phucking EXHAUSTING!!! WHEN WILL IT END?
OK FiNE PHUCK IT…ONE MORE! I do have three funerals to plan after all!
SO I take a moment straighten my tie and open the door and much to my surprise the universe decided to save the best FOR LAST! Standing before me was a little girl in a Poison Ivy costume, and lemme just tell ya SHE NAILED IT iF I DO SaY SO MYSELF!
TWiK oR TREaT MiSTaH J!!!
Well aren’t you just
…But I must say I love the costume, but if we are just being honest with each other…Don’t get your hopes up on winning the Halloween CONTEST because well even on a good day you’re still
But ya know what? You shouldn’t let that get you down sweetie, as a matter of fact I’ve got something special just for you…Hang here just a sec!!!
I disappear once more behind the door, and then open it up and the small little girl’s eyes begin beaming as she sees me holding literally what had to be the biggest bag of candy she has ever seen. And her smile only grows as I take my big ass bag of candy and dump the whole bitch in her lil pillow case.
OHH EMMM GEEEE thank you Mr. J! No one else gave me this much candy!
Well yeah I mean it’s the least I can do doll…Since you are gunna come up a lil short on winning HALLOWEEN I figured you would need something sweet to wash out that bitter taste of defeat out of your mouth, so ya know…ENJOY ohhh and while you’re at it please don’t forget to
Well now I’m all outta phuckin candy, I suddenly return to my senses cause ya know what? On 2nd thought…
Now make like the kiddiez and GET THE PHUCK OFF MY PORCH BEFORE I BURY YALLZ ASSES TOO!!! OHH and don’t phuckin FoRGeT!!!
…It’S BeeN YoUR PLea$uRE!!!
!!!!HaRD 2 BeLieVe!!!!!
BUT I F’N LOVVVVEEEE HALLOWEEN!!!
And not just because it is pretty much every female’s perfectly good excuse to dress and act as slutty as possible, it isn’t even the costumes nor the candy even though all of those are all enormous contributing factors in my book (specially that 1st one)! But no my fascination with this particular holiday is a little bit deeper than that, and perhaps a bit too deep for some of your shallow brains to comprehend but that’s never really stopped me before and it aint gunna
!!!!!SToP Me NoW EiTHeR!!!!!
…JUST LIKE THOSE 3 UnFoRUNaTe DaMNED SOULZ IM FINNA BURY ALIVE!!!!
No I love ALL HaLLoWZ EVe, because it reminds me of my favorite occupation, no not smut peddling, no not running all the crime on the streets of New Orleans, but being a PRO WRESTLER! Because being a pro wrestler is a lot like HALLOWEEN, ONLy while there may be just as many sluts and there aint not nearly the amount of CANDY!...SO ya know
!!!!BE THaT aS iT MaY!!!!
ITS LiKe PRo Ra$$LiN CaUsE…
Its a bunch of bafoonz parading around in costumes pretending to be something they clearly are not, scary being chief among them most of the time. But the MAIN…THE REAL reason I love this HoL-e-DaY so got damn much is because for some of us…FOR
!!!!S-O-M-E!!!
OF US IT’S THE ONE NIGHT A YEAR WHERE WE CAN BE WHAT WE TRULY ARE!!!
And again I know this aint breaking newz or nothin, but I have always fancied myself to be more of a
~$~ T.R.I.C.K.$.T.E.R. ~$~
THAN A TREATER!!!
But I thought to myself..SELF it’s 2024 EVERYONE’s trying out new shit these days so ya know
???WHY NOT I???
SO THIS YEAR YOURZ TRULY IS GUNNA BE GiViN OUT BOTH!!!
TRICKS AND TREATZ! DOESN’T THAT SOUND LIKE FUN??? Well it’s gunna be…FOR ME ANYWAY HA HA HA HA!!!
SO THeRe MY WUZ! At the
~!$!~ La$T HoU$e oN Ze LeFT ~!$!~
…RIGHT???
Anxiously awaiting what would be my very first TRICK-OR-TREATERZ! Given my house was hands down the spookiest I’m not going to lie and say my expectations for this evening weren’t going to be high, but
!!!!LiTTLe DiD I KNOW!!!!
THaT My EXPeCTaTiONZ SHoULD HaVe BeeN A LiL MoRe LITTLE!!!
ANd that much was made abundantly clear when the first little fist came rapping at my CHAMBER DOOR! I open it up and look around and don’t see shit. I kinda felt spooked myself, and so I went to slam the door but before I could swing the damn thing I heard the teeniest tiniest little
…TWiK oR TWEATTTTTT
SWEET BABY JEZUZ that almost scared the piss out of me, until I looked down and saw this little dood dressed up just like EPW super…UH NEWCOMER ERIK HOLLAND. ANd I mean this kid phuckin nailed it yall…CHEAP ASS COSTUME, even cheaper face paint, and he even came with a voice…
GRRRR I CAME HERE FOR BWOOD AND GUTS AND CANDY…
I was beside myself…SO I said the first thing that came to mind…THE FIRST TIME I LAID EYES ON ERIK HOLLAND
…WeLL AREN’T YOU F’N
?SiLLY!!!!!CaU$e…SeRyOu$LY KID???
Sorry I don’t mean to laugh, but I kinda do! Now look I know you asked for CANDY, but being who you are dressed as, as it turns out I have something let’s not say better..Let’s say a BIT MORE FITTING SHALL WE! WAIT RIGHT HERE!!!
I disappear behind the door and this kid, like ERIK doesn’t seem amused, which is odd because the real ERIK HOLLAND is amused by simple things like balls of string and the sound of his own voice, but eh
!!!!NoT My CoWZ!!!!
…NOT MY BULLSHIT!!!
Anyway a few moments later I appear with four WALMART bags full to the brim with DIRT! THe kid looks up at me confused, and before he can ask, I decide to skip all that and just answer!
You seem confused LiL HoLLAND…WHY DIRT you wonder? Well if you make it to HaVoC that will make twice in the same week someone shoved your stupid ass in a
!!!!!WooDeN F’N BoX!!!!!
ONLY DIFFERENCE IS THIS TIME ILL FINISH THE JOB!!!
Because you can put a body in a casket all you want, but the job aint finished until he is six feet under, and well while you may get hungry while you are down there…We need the dirt more than you need the candy because we need to make sure your bitch ass stays down there and plus there aint no dentists down there so if you get a cavity while you are fighting for your final breathes that will be on me and quite frankly I don’t want that shit on my conscience! So happy HALLOWEEN, ohh and the fact that Mr. BLOOD AND GUTS gets buried twice in the same week is not just funny
~$~ IT’S F’N HiLaRioU$ ~$~
…K THE PHUCK OFF MY PORCH!!!
HAHAHAHAHA…What?...That’s FUNNY?...NO…WELL THIS WAS
SLAMMMMM
KNOCK KNOCK
…Welp looks like we don’t gotta wait that long to find out! Open the door and glaring up at me is a miniature version of Stevie Satisfaction complete with a name tag that says 486th BEST STEVIE!! Now I know my smile is painted on but even this MOMO of a lil kid could see I was perplexed by his choice of costume, so instead of fixing my face I just kinda blurted out what everyone says when they see Stevie Satisfaction.
HEY THERE LIL GUY…You look…Uhhh
???CoNFu$eD???
WHo ARe YoU SuPPoSeD TO BE AGAIN???
…No SeRyoU$Ly
I’m Stevie Sat
Ah BUP BUP BUP, lemme just stop you right there, cause I just remembered I don’t care! But don’t worry you don’t have to start talking, I mean it’s pretty obvious why you are here, cause DUH…I know you’ve got some kinda schtick but like I said No One CAREZ…WHat say we just get down to bitness huh? WAIT RIGHT HERE I HAVE THE PERFECT TREAT FOR YOU MY BOY!!!
So I disappear behind the door only for a moment because I had a feeling this might happen, and just like that I return and in my hand is a 50 pack of BLACK CAT firecrackers.
Now listen here LiL Stevie WHATEVER…This is some of the best candy on the MARKET MY FRIEND! SO whenever you feel like telling anyone else about who you are may I suggest popping a few because tween me and you KiDDo THEY LITERALLY
!!!!EXPLoDe IN YOUR F’N MOUTH!!!!
OHHH WAIT CAN’T FORGET THE BEST PART!!!
..or my personal FaV ANYWAY!!!
How foolish am I? WHat good are blackcats without a lighter? SO I dig around in my pockets and find my spare black bic and drop it in the bag, and then wam bam
SLAMMMMM THE F’N DOOR
…THE PHUCK OFF MY PORCH TWERP!!!!
JEEZ LoUi$e HOW do people do this shit all night these gooberz are phucking EXHAUSTING!!! WHEN WILL IT END?
KNOCK KNOCK
OK FiNE PHUCK IT…ONE MORE! I do have three funerals to plan after all!
SO I take a moment straighten my tie and open the door and much to my surprise the universe decided to save the best FOR LAST! Standing before me was a little girl in a Poison Ivy costume, and lemme just tell ya SHE NAILED IT iF I DO SaY SO MYSELF!
TWiK oR TREaT MiSTaH J!!!
Well aren’t you just
?!?! F’N PReCioU$ !?!?
WHO ARe YoU SuPPoSeD To BE?...THE NOT EPW FIGHT4 CHAMPION???
…But I must say I love the costume, but if we are just being honest with each other…Don’t get your hopes up on winning the Halloween CONTEST because well even on a good day you’re still
!$! NuMeRo DoS $!$
…BUT HEY AINT NOTHIN WRONG WITH SILVER!!!
But ya know what? You shouldn’t let that get you down sweetie, as a matter of fact I’ve got something special just for you…Hang here just a sec!!!
I disappear once more behind the door, and then open it up and the small little girl’s eyes begin beaming as she sees me holding literally what had to be the biggest bag of candy she has ever seen. And her smile only grows as I take my big ass bag of candy and dump the whole bitch in her lil pillow case.
OHH EMMM GEEEE thank you Mr. J! No one else gave me this much candy!
Well yeah I mean it’s the least I can do doll…Since you are gunna come up a lil short on winning HALLOWEEN I figured you would need something sweet to wash out that bitter taste of defeat out of your mouth, so ya know…ENJOY ohhh and while you’re at it please don’t forget to
!!!!SoaK!!!!!
!!!!SoMe!!!!
!!!!!!UP!!!!!!
…AND PLEASE DON’T FoRGeT 2 TeLL YoUR FRiENDZ!!!
SLAM!!!
!!!!PHUCK HALLOWEEN!!!!
…AS WELL AS EACH AND EVERY LAST ONE OF YOU!!!
Now make like the kiddiez and GET THE PHUCK OFF MY PORCH BEFORE I BURY YALLZ ASSES TOO!!! OHH and don’t phuckin FoRGeT!!!
…It’S BeeN YoUR PLea$uRE!!!
4:19
GoT
-A-
??MiNuTe??